If I'm Not Strong
by Eliza.Cava.Shep
Summary: Meredith and Alex's ambulance breaks down on a highway on the way to the hospital with a baby born less than 8 hours ago inside. If a car were to crash into them, the vehicle would surely explode. They are faced with a moral decision, saving their own lives or saving their patient. Will they all make it out alive? MerDer rated T for violence and some language.
1. My Girls

"Meredith, get out of the rig," Derek said in his calmest voice possible. The only person who could hear him over Arizona's frantic shouts was Mark, who repeated what he had said even louder.

"Grey, Karev, get out of there, now!" He shouted. "A car's gonna come around that corner and crash, and that ambulance is gonna blow. Get out of there and leave the kid if you have to!" He yelled.

Alex's phone began beeping and vibrating and he looked down at it, sighing loudly.

"It's the chief. I don't have a good signal in here, I'm gonna go outside. You got the kid?" He asked Meredith. She nodded and stood up, taking a place next to the incubator and stroking the cold glass with her hand. Alex squeezed past her and answered the phone, jumping out of the ambulance and off to the side of the road.

"Meredith..." Derek started, relieved that Arizona had finally finished talking. His wife sighed and shook her head.

"Derek, I'm not leaving this baby! We lost our baby, and this mother doesn't deserve to lose hers!" She shouted at the phone, which was laying in her seat across the small room.

"Is that what this is about? Meredith, we will find a way to have a baby." Derek said. Meredith wasn't even listening. Her attention had been captivated by the pair of headlights coming around the corner and shining in her eyes.

"MEREDITH! GET DOWN!" Alex shouted from outside, seeing the car approaching and pulling the phone away from his ear. The female surgeon was frozen, only capable of staring straight at the car, a literal deer in the headlights.

"Meredith? Meredith, what's happening?" Derek said from the other line, having heard Alex shouting faintly. His eyes went wide and he looked at Mark in shock as they heard thundering sounds of crashing and the line cut off. The three surgeons were silent as they looked at each other, all knowing what they thought might have happened but to terrified to admit it.

"Derek... why don't you let Avery take over?" Mark said slowly, motioning for Jackson to come down from the gallery. The neurosurgeon wasted no time in putting his instruments down and stepping away from the patient, taking the gloves off of his severely shaking hands and leaving the OR in a hurry.

He rushed to the only place he could think of to go. His mind led him there without needing to navigate and his legs thanked him for the relief as soon as he was seating on the stairwell. He ripped the mask off of his face and threw his lucky ferryboat scrub cap to the ground, tears in his eyes.

"God Damn it!" He screamed, slamming his fist on the floor. He felt stupid for blaming a scrub cap for everything that had happened to him that day, but he needed someone to blame other than himself. _You're supposed to be lucky. What the hell happened?!_ He yelled in his mind, grabbing the cap and scrunching it up in his hands.

He held the fabric up to his face and inhaled the scent, remembering that his wife had washed it in a load of her own laundry. Tears jumped to his eyes as he smelled her, feeling her presence as if she were sitting right next to him. His blue eyes had turned navy and bloodshot the way they always did when he was on the verge of tears and he felt his throat seizing up.

A soft hand rested on his back and he didn't need to look to see who it was, leaning into their embrace and allowing himself to cry into his sister-in-law's shoulder. Lexie Grey felt tears in her own eyes as she comforted her sister's husband, rubbing his back soothingly and feeling her scrubs soak with tears.

"I...I can't lose them both in one day. Not my girls. I don't- I can't... I can't imagine my life without her!" Derek sobbed. He felt stupid for being that weak, he was supposed to be the strong one, not the one who cries into other people's shoulders. But in that moment, he just couldn't be strong. He needed to be the one who cried nonstop for a little while. He needed to not have to worry about what everyone else thought of him for just a few hours. He didn't want to be strong anymore. Meredith _was_ his strength.

* * *

"Karev? Karev, what happened?! Are you there?!" Owen yelled into the phone. He had heard the resident scream at Meredith to get down and then loud crashing and the line had gone silent. He redialed the number and, after there was no answer, slid his phone into his pocket and set off for Derek's OR.

Meanwhile, Alex Karev was standing, frozen, staring at the wreckage before him. All he could do was look, mouth wide open, at the back of the ambulance, which barely existed as most of it had been smashed in my the car that hadn't bothered to slow down and must have been going at least 80 miles per hour.

He could do nothing as the ambulance crashed forward and he heard horrible sounds of shattering glass and items breaking as he desperately prayed that his friend had taken cover in time. He finally found the capacity to think and broke out into a run towards the ambulance, his phone dropping clean out of his hand and crashing to the ground with a crack.

He remembered what Mark had said all too late as he charged towards the ambulance, hearing a quiet hiss getting louder the closer he got and freezing when he realized what it was. He sucked in a gasp just as a spark went off and the entire ambulance exploded in a shockwave of debris and flames, sending Alex flying backwards onto the ground. He hit the back of his head on the hard ground and his vision blurred, making the horrible scene look even more like something out of a science fiction movie.

He covered his face and clenched his eyes shut, holding his breath and hoping not to get hit with a large piece of debris. As the smoke settled, he caught a glimpse of a female body laying, broken and bloody, on the ground a few feet away from where the ambulance had previously been. His heart sunk into his chest and he called out to her, the effort of yelling so loud sending waves of searing pain through his skull.

"MEREDITH!"


	2. Deja Vu

Two ambulances arrived at Seattle Grace Mercy West hospital. Doors were thrown open by doctors awaiting the traumas.

"Alex Karev, 30, sustained blunt head trauma and lost consciousness en route. Vitals are stable, just needs a head CT." One doctor shouted. After realizing that the serious trauma and the person everyone was worried about was in the other ambulance, the doctors flocked around the vehicle as the doors were flung open by Miranda Bailey.

"Deja Vu..." she muttered to herself.

Inside the ambulance, two paramedics were standing over a body covered and blood and charring. They had multiple broken bones and weren't moving at all.

"We lost her en route. We just need you to call it." One of The paramedics said solemnly. The doctors gathered around the doors gasped and burst into tears, their hearts dropping into their stomachs at the news.

Miranda stayed calm on the outside, looking down at her watching and telling the paramedics the time softly before jumping out of the ambulance, pushing through the crowd, and reentering the hospital.

Cristina Yang ran through the crowd towards the ambulance, tears streaming down her face. She passed people she recognized and people she didn't, all stunned at the loss of one of their own.

She jumped into the ambulance and, at the sight of her best friend, almost collapsed in grief. She stumbled towards the fallen surgeon, taking the girls mangled face in her hands and looking into the distant eyes.

Suddenly, her heart leapt in her chest and her eyes went wide. She sucked in a gasp and turned to look her husband in the eyes.

"This... isn't Meredith." She laughed. Owens mouth fell open and he jumped up next to her, looking at the woman's face as well.

"How can you tell?" He asked.

"Meredith has green eyes. This girl has brown eyes." Cristina said, gesturing towards the pupils of the dead patient. Owen let out a chuckle and turned to address the group of anxious surgeons.

"It's not Meredith." He laughed. Cheers erupted through the crowd and tears were wiped from faces as everyone let out a sigh of relief. Suddenly, a thought dawned on the cardiothorasic surgeon inside the ambulance and the smile disappeared from her face.

"If this isn't Mer... where is she?" The doctor asked. Her husband turned around to look at her with wide eyes, frozen for a second, before running and jumping out the ambulance and into the other one, which had already been emptied.

"There's still another person back there! Turn around and go back, hurry!" He screamed, gesturing for Cristina to jump in the ambulance as well and closing the door just as it pulled away.

"Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god, oh god oh god oh god." Cristina muttered to herself. Owen grabbed her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"She's going to be okay. We're going to find her and we're going to save her." He told her. She sighed and looked out the window at the shadow of the hospital retreating away from them.

"I hope so."

XxXxX

The ambulance stopped about ten minutes later and Cristina threw the doors open, scanning the dark area with her eyes.

"Where's the ambulance?" She cried, looking for the vehicle she had expected to see on arrival.

"It must have exploded when they got hit. If Meredith was inside..." Owen trailed off, realizing that Cristina wasn't even listening and jumping out of the Ambulance, turning on his flashlight and beginning to search the area.

It seemed like hours had passed with no progress and Owen was just about to throw in the towel when he heard Cristina shouting from the edges of the forest.

"Meredith! Oh, god! Oh god, Meredith, oh my..." She screamed. He heard rustling and ran over, seeing his wife crouched over a body with tears soaking her face.

He leaned down and assessed the body, which was covered in dried and crusty blood. She had multiple badly broken bones and was bleeding profusely from her head, which had shards of glass imbedded in it. He noticed glass sticking out from places all around her body and assumed she must have flown through the windshield.

"Oh, god."

XxXxX

Derek and Lexie had been sitting in silence for a while, crying into each other, before the door to the stairwell had opened and Miranda Bailey had sat down next to them. At the sight of the two doctor's bloodshot eyes and tear-soaked faces, she decided that she wouldn't be judged if she showed her emotions there.

"Five interns. Five of them, that's all I started with. I don't believe it's been five years, but it has. George O'Malley, he was my favorite. I named my son after him, and then he went and threw himself in front of a bus to save a stranger. Izzie Stevens, boy she drove me crazy. She cut her fiancés L-Vad wire and kept her job, the crazy girl. Then she went and got cancer and I was down to three. Cristina Yang, the prodigy of the group. God, shes good. She messed around with her teacher and got herself pregnant. Poor girl had a miscarriage, that's three on the table now. Alex Karev, never stood out for much. He's the toughie that's actually a softie. Idiot went into peds. Got himself in an ambulance crash, and who knows what's going on with him now." She sighed. Derek and Lexie looked up at her, intrigued.

"And then there's Meredith Grey. The trouble-making intern with the celebrity for a mother. That poor girl worked her ass of to make everyone believe she was just as good as the Ellis Grey. None of us knew, she was screwing an attending! She got so caught up in all the crappiness of her personal life... her career was left in the dust! The girl fell off a bridge trying to help someone and died on our table, and she still came back from it. She got herself married, got herself pregnant, and she was a fine surgeon. Then, her husband gets shot, she loses her baby and she lets her whole world just go down the drain.

She destroyed that Alzheimer's trial, almost lost her job and her career, got her husband and her boss blacklisted and on top of all that, she lost her baby. You just got around to forgiving her, and god knows I haven't, and then she goes and gets herself in the middle of a deadly situation. I mean, the girl cares so much about everyone else that she doesn't even stop to think about herself for a second. I'm stupid for only realizing that now." She sighed.

"The ambulances arrived. Alex Karev is alright, he's got a few minor injuries but nothing that requires surgery." She said, gulping as both of the surgeons jumped up and looked at her expectantly.

"What about Meredith?! Where is she, is she okay?" Derek probed. Bailey closed her eyes and let a single tear roll down her face.

"The paramedics told us that she had not survived the trip to the hospital." She cried, shaking her head.

Lexie's reaction was immediate, she burst into hysterical tears and covered her face with her hands, allowing herself to fall into Miranda's lap and sob loudly.

Derek was frozen. He stared blankly ahead with a concerned expression on his face, his chest heaving up and down violently.

He took a single shaky breath and felt a cold tear streak down his face, leaving a trail of stickiness in its wake.

"No..." was all he could say. He leaned back against the wall and covered his face with his hand, running it up into his hair.

"Meredith, No! This can't be happening!" Lexie cried. Derek was still in shock and Miranda felt tears in her own eyes as she comforted the younger Grey sister, stroking her hair and allowing her to cry into her lap.

Just then, the door to the stairwell burst open and Mark, who still had a phone clenched in his hand, ran into the room.

"They found her! They found Meredith!" He yelled, a relieved smile on his face. Derek looked up at him, tears spilling from his eyes, and shook his head, letting his hand drop limp to his side.

"They lost her en route." He choked. Mark's eyes went wide and he shook his head.

"Whoever told you that left too soon. It wasn't Meredith! Yang and Hunt went back out there to find her and they did, they're bringing her back now. Apparently she's in bad shape but it's manageable. Did you hear that, Derek? She's alive!" He said.

Lexie had stopped crying and was looking up at Mark, a frown on her face as Derek held his head in his hand and clenched his eyes shut, overhwlrmed with anxiety.

"I swear to god, Mark, if you're joking, stop now." Lexie ordered. Miranda Bailey was shaking her head, trying to remember if she had heard anything after she had left.

"I'm not joking! I've got Hunt on the phone right now, ask him!" Mark defended, handing the phone to Lexie.

"Owen? Owen! Is it true? Meredith's alive?" She almost screamed into the phone. Everyone in the cramped stairwell sucked in a nervous breath as they waited for the answer from the other line.

"We found her in the forest. She's got a few broken bones and she's probably got bad internal injuries and some pretty scary burns, but she's alive." Owen responded.

They all let out sighs of relief and Lexie let tears fall down her face. These tears weren't tears of grief or remorse, though. They were happy tears. And Derek let his own tears drift down his face. Mark's hand rested on his best friends back and he smiled as Lexie barraged Owen with more and more questions. Bailey sat, silent, next to her, shaking her head in disbelief.

"She's a trouble-maker... that's for sure."

 **Wow okay so this chapter was really long... ;) I was struggling a little bit at about 700 words and then I got on a role and just didn't stop... There will definitely be more!**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	3. It’s For You

Owen pushed Cristina lightly out of the way and scooped the broken surgeon into his arms, careful not to jostle her too much as he carried her quickly back to the ambulance, where paramedics were anxiously waiting to save her.

He placed her freezing cold body on the stretcher and stepped back as the paramedics began working, jumping up into the ambulance and wrapping his arms comforting around Cristina as they pulled away and began to drive back to the hospital.

The female surgeon's body shook with sobs as she leaned on her husband for comfort, her hand covering her mouth and shaking horribly. She known that her friend would be in bad condition, but the true injuries that the woman had sustained were still entiry shocking to her.

She watched in horror as the paramedics hooked up machines and wires to keep her best friend alive before her eyes, though the only reason she knew it was Meredith was her eyes, which were the same striking green that she could recognize a mile away.

Meredith Grey's face was swollen and bruised already, not to mention the many shards of glass imbedded in the flesh. Her blond hair was soaked in crusty blood, only most of which was hers, and some parts of it had been singed off entirely. One of her arms was bent the complete wrong way and her left leg was twisted awkwardly to the side. She most likely had massive internal bleeding judging from the horrible discoloration in her back, which you could see through her mangled clothes.

Cristina was hysterical as she looked at the form which she knew was her best friend, she didn't want to accept that something like this could happen to someone like Meredith. Yet, there she was, laying on a stretcher in an ambulance on the verge of death.

Owen felt helpless as he uselessly wrapped his arms around the terrified surgeon, who was struggling to breathe through her tears. He was frozen in utter shock and fear at the sight of two people so close to each other, yet so far away. He had thought he knew just how close Meredith and Cristina had been, but it had only been put in perpesctice in that moment how much they truly cared for each other.

The paramedics stepped away from the unconscious patient, having done everything possible for her in that moment. They both stared worriedly at the monitors that were hooked up to the woman, which were stable at the moment but could crash any moment.

As soon as Cristina saw an opening, she ran over to her friend, taking her cold and limp hand in one of hers and using the other to stroke the girl's blood-soaked hair. A concerned frown appeared on her face as she looked at the cuts littering her best friend's face and the dark blood that dropped down her temples.

"You know you're my person. You cannot die on me, you understand? You can _not_ die on me, because you are my person and I can't live without you, okay? Just, don't die, please, because if you die, then I'm going to be a mess, and Derek's going to be a mess, and Lexie's going to be a mess, and everyone is going to be a mess because you're the life of this hospital, you hear me? You are the _life_ of all of us, and if you die... you'll take a piece of all of us with you. You're the one thing that keeps us all together, without you, we'll just fall apart. Derek, he can't take care of Zola without you. He needs you to get her back, and he's going to need you to be there with him for those moments that every parent dreams of.

Don't leave him alone for when she says her first word. Don't let him watch her take her first steps alone. Don't make him take her to her first day of kindergarten and be the only single dad there. Don't make him beat up the poor boy who breaks her heart on his own, and don't make him sit alone after he walks her down the aisle at her wedding. You should be there to yell at him for being dorky with your grandkids. You have to be there because, when you're both old and smelly, you're going to be the only one there to laugh at his century-old dad jokes. And, if you die right now, he's going to have no one to tell those jokes to. And he's going to die sitting on the porch of your house in a rocking chair alone, thinking about how much he wishes you were there to hold his hand.

Meredith, you can't die, don't leave all of us behind. You are what keeps us all sane, you're the rock. Without you, we would have all killed each other or ourselves by now. You've always been the thing that keeps us together, you're the reason why everyone was standing outside of George's room when he died, you're the reason why there's going to be a crowd a hundred people thick outside these ambulance doors when we get to the hospital. Every single one of those people had somewhere they could be, some patient who may need them, but because you have touched each and every one of them, they decided to be here instead. For you. It's for you, Meredith, and everything you do. Please don't die, for all of our sakes." She cried.

The ambulance stopped at the hospital and the doors were flung open to reveal a crowd even bigger than the one that had gathered before all packed in the space between the hospital and the ambulance. The paramedics didn't bother briefing the overwhelming amount of doctors that rushed forward on the case, considering that Meredith chart had been snatched from their hands already and she was being wheeled quickly into the hospital as surgeons swarmed around the gurney discussing treatment options.

Cristina and Owen stayed in the ambulance for a while and waited for the crowd to clear, returning to each other's embrace for comfort and watching as commotion erupted through the hospital and attendings were paged left and right to help save the doctor that acted as glue for everyone in that hospital.

Derek was there as soon as he knew she had arrived, standing at the back of the room and watching his friends do everything in their power to save his love. He knew better than to try to help, fully aware of the policies against operating on family members, but made sure to alert his friends of his worries about possible spinal injuries.

"I'm worried about internal bleeding around her spine, you see the contusions on her back?" He shouted over the arguing doctors. They all turned to look at him as if they hadn't even realized he was in the room before turning Meredith over to see if the bleeding was substabtial.

Upon further inspection, the surgeons all agreed that the bleeding was problematic and that it should definitely be addressed in the OR. Callie Torres noted that she needed to fix Meredith's bones as soon as possible so that they could start their healing process but that it could wait until after more pressing issues had been resolved.

Mark Sloan added that he would make sure that the scarring wasn't life-altering and that he would make Meredith 'even more beautiful than before' before winking at Derek. The neurosurgeon only shook his head and chuckled lightly, bewildered at how Mark could make jokes in a serious time but thankful for the humor.

Teddy Altman claimed that Meredith's heart was probably under a lot of stress and that she should take care of the bleeding and stabilize her heart before they did anything else to make sure that Meredith could survive the surgery. The surgeons in the room all agreed that this was the best course of action and then they were off, rushing to the OR.

Derek followed closely beside the gurney, his wife's hand clenched in his own tightly. He didn't let go until they reached the OR, when Mark stopped him.

"Derek, you know you can't be in there." He nagged. Derek huffed and tried to push past him.

"You can watch from the gallery. You're not allowed to be inside the OR of a family member, you know this!" Mark objected. Derek grunted in frustration.

"Well, What if she crashes?! What if she dies on the table and I'm stuck sitting in the gallery watching the love of my life slip through the cracks?! Huh?! What am I supposed to do then?" He shouted. Mark stayed calm, placing his palms on Derek's chest in an attempt to calm him down as well.

"Derek, listen. Lexie is up there in the gallery, and she's freaking out. She really needs someone to be up there with her and you're the only one who can do that. I promise, you can keep the intercom on the entire time if you want to and order us around every step of the way. If it helps you, you can walk through the procedure as we do it, just like you were down here. But you can't be in the room, no matter how much I wish you could. Lexie needs you... and Meredith would want you to be there for her." He pleaded. Derek sighed and ran his hand stressfully through his hair, blinking back frustration and staring his best friend in the eyes.

"Fine. But if things go south, I'm scrubbing in, I don't care about protocol." He stated simply, turning and rushing up to the gallery.


	4. Don’t Let Them Fall to Pieces

Meredith woke up in a strange place. She didn't feel any pain, which surprised her, and she knew that she wasn't in a hospital room. This place was... different. Everything she could see was just white for miles and miles in every direction. She was alone. Or do she thought.

"You're here... again?" A familiar light voice asked behind her. She turned around to face Dillon, who had an annoyed look on his face.

"Dillon...? What do you mean, again? Where am I?" She asked. The former Bomb Squad member smirked and shook his head.

"We're wherever you want us to be. Just think of a place. Close your eyes and imagine where you want to be." He said. Meredith obliged, thinking of the first place that came to her mind.

She opened her eyes again and smiled, surprised. She was in the OR. There was no one else there but Dillon, yet she felt as if there were people buzzing all around her.

"Wow, I'm shocked. What a surprise... I mean, where else would you think to be?" He said sarcastically. Meredith ran her hand along the Operating Table, a small smile on her face.

"You've always been the type to sacrifice yourself for others. You don't hit the deck and cover your head when the bomb's about to explode. You look around and you find anyone you can help and you help them. It's gotten you into a lot of trouble, but it's admirable. You stuck your hand on a live bomb to save the other people in the room, you got kicked off a bridge trying to save a mans life, and you stayed in an ambulance destined to explode just for a baby that hadn't even lived a day yet." Dillon said.

Meredith began to realize what was happening just as Dillons words began to fade and become distorted as he himself seemed to fade from existence.

"You've always been a giver, Meredith. Now, you have to be a fighter." He called before he was gone completely and she was alone in the OR. She closed her eyes and focused on the bustling she seemed to sense all around her, despite the near silence of the room. She felt as if many worried souls were rushing about all around her.

"God, you just never stop trying to kill yourself, do you?" A gruff voice spoke beside her. She turned and locked gazes with chocolate brown eyes that she knew belonged to Denny Duquette. A smile grew on her face and she threw her arms around him, half expecting them to somehow phase right through his body and feeling slightly surprised when they didn't.

"Okay, Okay, enough, this is important." He said, untangling her from him. She sighed and looked up into his eyes, prepared to listen.

"Meredith, you know how much you friends love you, right?" She nodded solemnly. "Cristina... she may act like she only cares about herself, but you and I both know that's not true. She would do _anything_ for you, and you can't just leave her alone with a million questions in her mind that only you can answer. What you two have is... it's really special. Don't throw it away." He said, placing his hands on her shoulders.

"There are so many people in that hospital that would willingly take a bullet, or more like a bus... or something bigger like a plane... anyway, the point is, they would do anything for you, because they love you. Cristina, Lexie, Derek, Richard, Alex... they will all fall to pieces if you leave them. Don't let them fall to pieces." He shook his head, withdrawing his hands from her shoulders and stuffing them in his pockets.

He, too, began to fade from her vision, giving her a final wink before he was gone and she was alone again. Meredith slid down the wall of the OR, her head in her hands. She had been so happy to see her friends again but was suddenly stricken with grief. She took a moment to think about what they had told her, soaking in the fact that she had a choice.

The choice was much harder than it seemed. If she went back, she would have so much pain and suffering to go through before things would even start to get better. If she stayed, she would never have to feel that pain again, and she would get to see all the people who had left her before again.

She shook her head, no idea what to do. Just then, a voice called out from behind her. It was a voice she hadn't heard so soft and kind in a very long time.

"Meredith," it started, "I'm so sorry." She finished. Meredith turned around and locked eyes with someone she hadn't expected to see. It was her mother.

"..Mom..." She said, surprised. She shot up from her sitting position and embraced her mother, happy to see her despite the issues she had caused in her last few years of life.

"Meredith, baby... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I said all those things, I'm so sorry I couldn't be your mother and I'm sorry that you had to take care of me for so long. You didn't deserve any of that, and I know I can't blame myself because I had no control over the Alzheimer's but I just feel so much guilt..." She rambled. Meredith pulled away and started into her mother's eyes.

"I know. It's okay. I'm okay." She cut her off. Her mother sighed.

"No, you're not _okay._ You're here, which means you have a choice. Now, just because I couldn't be a mother to you then, I'm going to help you now." She argued. Suddenly, she closed her eyes for a moment and held her hand up to stop Meredith from talking.

"Close your eyes. Just... close your eyes and listen." She said. Meredith obliged, her ears peeking up as the room went silent. She began to hear voices, far, far away, speaking to each other. She felt as if they were calling out to her, urging her to go to them'

"Go towards the voices." He mother whispered beside her. Without saying anything, Meredith began to walk out of the OR and through the halls of the hospital, her eyes still closed as she made her way around, knowing the halls like they were her own home. Because they were.

She voices became louder and louder and she began to make out specific words. Eventually she worked out that they were talking to _her_. She finally found the source of the sounds, it was a room in the ICU. As she entered the room, she opened her eyes and found that it was empty. She looked, confused, at her mother.

"Where are the voices coming from? Where are they?" She asked. Her mother shook her head sadly.

"This is as close as you'll ever get. You can hear them, the people that you love. You hear them, but you can never see them. Go sit in that chair right there." She pointed to a plastic chair beside the bed.

Meredith walked slowly over to the chair, trying to imagine how she could live without being able to see Derek every day. She sat down in the chair and suddenly, grief washed over her. He felt a tight feeling in her stomach and her hands clawed at the arms of the chair.

"What do you feel?" Her mother asked. Meredith looked up at her with tears in her eyes.

"Derek... I feel him, he's here." She said. Ellis looked to floor sadly.

"This... this is the most you'll be able to feel. If you stay here... this is all you'll ever get of him. Just tiny moments when you're both in the same place at the same time. That's all. You can hear them and you can feel them, but there's nothing else there. I felt you, all the time. Just split seconds, I felt you, and then you were gone. I felt Richard, sometimes I would sit in his chair in his office and just enjoy being in the same place as him and feeling his presence for hours and hours. Some days I even felt tiny bits of Derek. He is my son in-law, after all." She said.

Meredith looked down to the floor, tears spilling from her eyes. Her hands grasped at the chair desperately, she wanted Derek so bad.

"I want you to know that I'm so proud of you. Everything that you've done... everything you've been a part of... even if you make mistakes, I'm proud of you." Meredith sobbed shakily and looked back at her mother, but she was gone. More tears spilled from her eyes and she felt Derek with her, speaking to her.

"...don't leave me, Meredith." She shuddered as he spoke her name, erupting into more sobs. His voice was so raspy and desperate that she wanted to hug him, she wanted to wrap her arms around him and feel her fingers in his hair and smell his perfect cologne. She wanted to be back. But she knew there was one person she hadn't seen yet. She sensed him standing beside her and looked down to the ground, more tears spilling from her eyes.

"I'm so sorry..." she cried. "I'm so sorry, I didn't... I could have... I should've..." she sobbed. Meredith felt his strong hand on her back and looked up at him, guilt and grief washing over her as her eyes met his green ones. She shot up and threw her arms around him as soon as she saw him, sobbing over his shoulder and remembering his comforting embrace and missing it badly.

"Don't be sorry. You did so much... I could have died and no one would have known who I was. You saved me. _You saved me_." He said, pulling away from her and gripping her shoulders with his hands. She was forced to look up at him as was crushed with more grief than she had ever felt before.

She let out a quiet sob and he pulled her back into his embrace, comforting her just like he had when they were friends.

"You can go back now." He said softly. Meredith calmed down as much as she could and then sat back down in the chair, her head in her hands.

"Do you want me to hold your hand?" He asked. Meredith looked back at him with her bloodshot green eyes and nodded weakly, both of them reaching their hands out and grasping each other tightly.

"Just close your eyes... and imagine your future. Think of where you want to be in.. 20 years." He said softly. Meredith obliged, her eyelids fluttering shut and her mind drifting to what she wished her future looked like.

"Good... good. Just keep your eyes closed. Let yourself drift. ...Goodbye, Meredith." He whispered. A single tear rolled down her face and she parted her lips, feeling herself fading.

"Goodbye, George."

 **Wow so this was really long and sad... sorry.**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	5. She’s Ours

Meredith opened her eyes and she was sitting on the floor of her house across from Derek, with Zola sitting in between them and playing with a toy. Derek wasn't looking at her, instead he was focused on trying to get their daughter's attention.

"Zola! Zoolaaaa!" He called in a singsong voice.

"Zola! Look at Dada." He said. The young girl looked up at him with her big brown eyes and Meredith smiled at the happiness that reflected in his.

"Dada," Zola babbled. Meredith's eyes went wide as they met Derek's, both with a shocked expression on their face. A smile crept onto her face as Derek began sputtering, trying to make sense of the milestone they had just reached.

"Zola, did you just say Dada? Say it again, say Dada, Zola!" He urged her. She had a huge smile on her face and her eyes were twinkling with excitement as she looked between him and Meredith, noticing that what she had done must have been good.

"Dada!" She cried. Derek scooped her up in his arms, a wide grin on his face and tears in his eyes and he kissed her face everywhere he could, hugging her to his hip. Meredith stopped over to toys and he pulled her into the hug as well, planting a kiss on her lips and wrapping his arm around her waist.

She smiled up at him, allowing herself to get lost in the blue of his eyes, and then she blinked and everything changed.

XxXxX

She was sitting on the couch in their living room, watching as Derek helped Zola to stand. Her little legs wobbled under her weight but soon stood firm, causing her to smile. Meredith reached out her arms, an excited grin on her face that crinkled the skin around her eyes, and urged her baby to come to her.

"Zola! Zola, come to mommy! Come to mommy, you can do it!" She encouraged. Derek slowly let go of the toddler's arms and she took a tentative step, almost falling but steadying herself just in time. She related the process again and again, getting faster and faster until she had closed the gap between the sofas and reached her Mother, who was beaming with pride.

"You did it! You did it, baby!" She cried, scooping the giggling girl up into her arms and twirling her around in a circle. Derek shot up from the couch and joined them, a grin plastered on his face as well.

She placed a kiss on her daughter's chubby cheek and then one on her husband's lips, feeling his arm wrap around her. She felt so happy in that moment that she wasn't even thinking about anything but him and Zola, entirely captivated in ecstasy. She blinked and her world shifted again.

XxXxX

"Zola, you be a good girl, alright? Mommy's gonna be back as soon as you're finished to pick you up, okay?" Derek said softly to his child, crouched down to her level and holding the girl's tiny hands in his.

Meredith stood behind them, watching as he pulled her into a tight hug and then stood up, allowing her to take his place. She dropped down and wrapped her arms firmly around her child, tears in her eyes.

"Okay, parents! It's time to let your little ones go! I promise you, they're in good hands!" The teacher called in a singsong voice from the other side of the room. Meredith sighed, placing one last kiss on Zola's forehead before turning around and immediately being embraced by Derek, who was also very emotional.

"She grew up too fast..." Meredith was already gone.

XxXxX

"Your word is... Craniosynostosis." A smooth voice spoke. Meredith opened her eyes and found herself in a school cafeteria, looking up at the stage. There stood Zola, years older than the last time she had seen her, in a cute little dress with her hair in two tight braids. All of her friends from the hospital sat around Meredith, anxious.

She felt Derek's hand jump to her thigh as he recognized the word, full of excitement and pride that his daughter had heard the word many times before.

"Craniosynostosis," Zola's sweet voice said confidently into the microphone. "C-R-A-N-I-O-S-Y-N-O-S-T-O-S-I-S. Craniosynostosis." She said, her chin high. The entire cafeteria but the surgeons paused, tension filling the room as they waited for the bell to signal that she had spelled it wrong. But the doctors had already shot up out of their seats and dashed towards the stage, knowing the the bell would not ring.

Derek got there first, scooping his little girl up in his arms and twirling her around in circles as the MC announced her the winner.

"You did it! You did itZo!" He cried, kissing her face all over. "I'm so proud of you!"

As soon as he put her down, Meredith pulled her into a hug, tears running down her face. She embraced her baby tightly, closing her eyes and feeling the breath going in and out of her body.

"Congratulations to the winner of our annual spelling bee, Zola Shepherd!"

XxXxX

Meredith opened her eyes and she was back in an auditorium, but this one was different. It was much bigger with a lot of older looking parents. She looked to her left and saw Derek next to her, tears already soaking his face. He looked much older, with many more gray hairs and worry lines on his face. But, Meredith recognized, his eyes were still the same beautiful blue.

She looked up at the stage and saw Zola, shocked at how old she was. The girl was at least 6 feet tall, wearing a loose black gown and a graduation cap over her two long braids. She's beautiful.

"Zola Shepherd," A voice called over the speakers. Zola walked across the stage and shook hands with the person who Meredith assumed was the principal and then accepted a piece of paper that Meredith assumed was her High School Diploma. She heard clapping and joined is as her daughter turned and looked at her, a huge smile on her face as she waved the paper around excitedly.

She stepped off the stage and joined her friends off to the side, giving them all hugs.

XxXxX

The next thing Meredith saw was her living room again. She was sitting on the couch with Derek on her right and Zola on her left, dressed in a dazzling blue dress with her hair curled flawlessly. The doorbell rang and Zola shot up, rushing over to the front door and opening it, a smile on her face.

"Hi, Jonathan!" She cried. A boy about her age stepped into the room, wearing a tuxedo with a corsage in his hand. Derek stood from the couch and Meredith followed suit, approaching the boy with smiles that were only mostly fake.

"You must be Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd." She boy said, reaching his hand out cordially. Derek shook it firmly, introducing himself as Zola's father. Jonathan then offered his hand to Meredith, who shook it gently and introduced herself as well.

"Jonathan Davis." He said. Meredith assessed the boy, taking in his dirty blond hair and lightly tanned skin. His blue eyes were bright and dancing with excitement as he smiled at them, the skin around his eyes just barely crinkling.

"Jonathan and I met at school... more specifically in neurology class... you see, Jonathan wants to be a neurosurgeon too." Zola interrupted the silence. Derek raised his eyebrows intrigued.

"Oh really? Well, I have to warn you, neurosurgery is a very competitive specialty. And with competition like Zola, I hope you're good or you may not make it." Derek said proudly. Jonathan and Zola laughed.

"Don't worry, Daddy. He's good." Zola assured him. Jonathan handed her the corsage and she rushed upstairs to put it on, leaving Jonathan alone with her parents. Rookie mistake.

"Okay, Jonathan, look. You seem like a really nice guy, and I like that you're making Zola happy..." Derek started. The boy's face transformed to one of confusion and slight fear and Meredith covered her face with her hands.

"..If this is about the surgery thing, I can find a new specialty, I mean its only med school it wouldn't be hard..." the boy defended. Derek held up his hand to stop him.

"It's not the specialty. I think it's great that she found someone who's interested in the same things as her. But, if you hurt my baby girl, I will break your nose." Derek said, getting closer to the terrified looking med student. Meredith decided she needed to step in.

"Derek, calm down. This poor boy is scared to death, don't make him wet his pants right before the dance." Meredith nagged. Derek backed off, allowing Jonathan room to breathe enough that he could laugh at the female surgeon's joke.

"Don't worry, Dr. Shepherd. I'm really serious about this. I care about your daughter a lot and I don't ever want to hurt her." The boy assured Derek. He nodded in approval just as Zola burst out of her room and down and stairs, latching herself onto Jonathan's arm.

"Bye Mom, bye Dad!" She called as they walked out the door. Meredith watched them talk and laugh all the way to the boy's car, which was very nice. She sighed and closed the door, locking it behind them.

XxXxX

She opened her eyes and quickly realized she was at a wedding, sitting in the front row of chairs. Two people were standing in front of her st the altar, one of which she quickly recognized as her daughter. It took her a moment to identify the boy as Jonathan, with a radiant smile on his face.

The pastor was speaking loudly but the words didn't register in Meredith's head as she was filled with shock and excitement. Both bride and groom said 'I Do' and the pastor spoke those five key words that made everything click in Meredith's mind.

"You may kiss the bride."

XxXxX

The next time Meredith woke, she felt only pain. Everywhere, surrounding her, burying her. It was an inescapable pain that crawled under her skin and burned at her throat. She let out a low, guttural groan and felt the hand that was clutches around hers loosen.

"Meredith?" Mark's voice said. She slowly opened her eyes as the light from the hospital room burned at her pupils. Her vision focused and she made out two figures standing over her, a female and a male. She had heard Mark's voice and so she squinted slightly to try to ascertain the identity of the other figure.

"Meredith! Oh, god, you're awake! Someone get Shepherd!" Mark yelled. Meredith cringed as the loud noise rocketed around her brain, overwhelming her senses. She blinked and saw that the second figure was Lexie, who was smiling down at her.

"How do you feel?" She asked. Meredith responded with another groan, which dried out her throat even more and shot pain through her chest and lungs. Lexie nodded and ordered a nurse to up Meredith's pain meds, which the injured surgeon did not object to.

Within minutes she felt infinitely better, only missing a single thing that took up her entire mind at that moment. She stared anxiously at the door, feeling her hand being squeezed in Lexie's small one reassuringly.

XxXxX

Derek was in surgery with Bailey and Cristina, on a trauma patient who'd apparently had a heart attack and fallen down a flight of concrete stairs. He was just about to finish his craniotomy when a nurse rushed into the OR, holding a surgical mask over her face. She looked worried and frantic and Derek immediately dropped what he was doing, approaching the nurse with a terrified look on his face.

"Is it Meredith? Did something happen? Is she okay?" He asked quickly.

"It's- it's Meredith but-" the nurse started, but Derek had already pushed past her and out the door of the OR, closely followed by Bailey and Cristina, who had instructed some residents who were watching to finish the surgery.

Derek ran faster than he had ever run before to his wife, almost knocking over multiple people on his way. He reached the door and ran inside, out of breath and panicking. His wide eyes rested on his wife's beautiful green eyes and he almost crumpled to his knees.

"Derek.." She croaked from her position on the bed, covered head to toe in bandages from the glass and casts for her broken bones. Derek rushed over to her, scooping her hand up in his and stroking her face gently.

"I'm so sorry..." she paused to cough painfully, "I'm so sorry about... Zola..." She cried. Derek was suddenly filled with joy as he shook his head at her, a grin on his face.

"Meredith, we got her! She's ours, she's ours forever! Mer, we got our baby back!"


	6. She’s Gone (Don’t Hate Me Please)

Meredith gasped slightly, sending pain shooting across her limbs, yet relief washed over her all the same. She looked at Derek in shock as he nodded, a smile on his face. A smile that mirrored his appeared on her face and she felt a tear rolling down her bandaged cheek. Her friends all left the room to give them privacy.

"Can.. you bring..." she started, but Derek had already known what she was going to say.

"Of course. I'll be right back." He said, asking Mark to stay with her until he got back. He obliged happily, sitting down in the chair he had previously occupied and holding Meredith's hand.

"Mark... water... please.." Meredith croaked. He immediately shot up and grabbed the glass of water off of the table, holding the straw up to her mouth and allowing her to drink the entire contents of the plastic cup in a single sip.

The water flowed down her throat, chilling her I sides and giving her the much needed moisture that she had craved since she woke up. Meredith felt the cold liquid drop into her stomach and fill her up, letting out a quiet sigh of relief and feeling a smile spread across her face.

"You know Mark, we should take the time to appreciate the small things in life. We should tell the people we love that we love them before they're blown up in an ambulance or dragged by a bus. We should enjoy the time we have with our kids before they're ripped from our grasp like they were never really ours in the first place. You need to get back with Lexie. Everyone knows you still love each other. You need to spend your life with the person you love before they're gone and you can't love them anymore." Meredith said. Mark was taken aback by her sudden reality and felt panic in the pit of his stomach.

"Uh... Lexie and I broke up a long time ago. I'm with Julia now, we're happy." He said. Meredith sighed.

"But you still love Lexie and Lexie still loves you! You can't throw that away! Julia... sure, she's great, but... do you love her the same way you love Lexie? You guys are perfect for each other, and I can see her heart break every time she looks at you, Mark. It's painful to see her crumbling because she can't find the courage to tell you she loves you. So you get there first. You tell her you still love her and even if you don't believe it then, when you see the sparkle in her eyes, you'll know it's true. Don't let yourself be the person who watches their love fall to pieces in front of them and does nothing because they're 'happy'. You're not happy, Mark. She _is_ your happiness. You're just telling yourself that you are so that you don't have to admit you're wrong. Go _get her_." Mark felt a tear roll down his face and he squeezed Meredith's hand, reality dawning on him.

"Is this what I think it is?" Meredith asked, tears in her own eyes. Mark looked down at the bed, his lips pressed tightly together and tears rolling down his face, and managed a nod. Meredith closed her eyes, allowing a tear to fall out, and chuckled.

"I want you... to get everyone in here. Get Cristina, get Owen, Alex, Richard, Callie, Arizona, Bailey, Lexie, Jackson, Teddy, April, get everyone you can... I want them here." She ordered. Mark looked up at her, his hands still clenched around hers, and nodded, standing up to leave the room.

"Mark!" She called after him. He turned and looked at her again, seeing the pain in her tear filled eyes.

"Make sure Derek gets here in time." She said. He swallowed the lump in his throat and broke into a run out of the room, leaving Meredith in the hospital bed alone.

XxXxX

Derek ran as fast as his legs would carry him through the hospital, pushing past everyone who was in his way. He tried not to jostle the baby in his arms as he ran, not wanting to bring her back to his wife crying.

He reached the room and ran inside, seeing that Meredith was still awake but noticing Mark had disappeared.

"Where... where is Mark?" He asked, out of breath. Meredith blinked the tears from her eyes without him noticing and looked up at him, a comforting look on her face.

"He went to get everyone else." She said. She gasped quietly when she noticed the baby in Derek's arms, motioning for him to bring Zola to her.

Derek walked quickly towards the bed, setting Zola down on her mother's lap and allowing the surgeon to hug her tightly to her body. She kissed her baby's head and felt a tear roll down her cheek as she remembered all of the things she had dreamed about.

"Derek..." She said quietly, feeling herself getting tired. She leaned back on the bed and motioned for him to come closer. He leaned in towards her and she grabbed his head gently with her weak hands, pulling his lips onto hers. She pulled away a few seconds later, holding his face close to hers and staring into his bright blue eyes.

"I love you. More than you could ever imagine. Please don't be angry with me or anyone else. And please find a way to move on. Zola deserves to have a mother, and you could get any woman on this planet to fall in love with you no problem. Just... don't forget about me." She said quietly, leaning back and feeling her eyes begin to close. Derek's eyes went wide and he placed his hand on her cheek, feeling hers drop from his face.

"Meredith.. stop it, you're not dying. Meredith, keep your eyes open, you're not going to die, don't die on me!" He said, panic washing over his as he placed both of his hands on her face.

"Don't you ever forget about me, McDreamy." She said softly with a smile and closed her eyes, hearing faintly the monotone ringing that filled the room before she was gone.

"Meredith?! Meredith, wake up! Stay awake, Mer! Don't- don't leave, please, don't... don't die on me, Meredith, don't die, please!" Derek yelled, his hands clutching her face in an attempt to bring her back. Zola looked worriedly at her father as he wrapped his arms around her mother, pulling her face up against his chest and rocking back and forth on the bed.

"Meredith, no!" He sobbed over her shoulder. Zola began to cry as the movement and yelling overhwhelmed her and cried louder when her father did nothing to console her. She wrapped her arms around her mother and felt her cold skin against her body, crying harder and wanted her mother to hug her. She was oblivious as a crowd of people all rushed into the room at the same time, freezing in shock at the sight before them.

Derek took a shaky breath and addressed the ensemble softly, only loud enough that they could hear him over Zola's loud sobbing.

"She's gone."

 **I knew that some of you would hate this chapter. I know that I had a whole bunch of build up that made it seem like Meredith was going to live. I'm really sorry that this story doesn't have a happy ending. Most of my stories do because I normally don't like stories with sad endings. Most of the time some sort of miracle happens and the characters live happily ever after. I wrote this story the way I did because I just recently watched the plane crash episodes and am absolutely heartbroken, but also inspired. I promise you, there will be plenty of happy endings to come.**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	7. A Single Moment

So many things happened in a single moment. Derek Shepherd erupted into sobs, the limp body of his wife clutched in his arms. His daughter became quiet, her tiny hands still wrapped around her mother's cold skin.

Cristina Yang was at the front of the group of people that had rushed into the room. She heaved a breath and stumbled forward towards her best friend, reaching her hand out weakly and placing it shakily on her friend's head. She felt the freezing cold of Meredith's skin and a tear ran down her face as the reality dawned on her.

Lexie Grey began to collapse, pure grief washing over her. She felt two strong arms catch her and hold her close to their body, shaking in utter shock. It was Mark Sloan that had caught her, tears running down his own face as he sat on the floor with her. She gasped for breath and sobbed loudly, her severely shaking hand covering her mouth.

Miranda Bailey stumbled backwards until her back hit the wall of the suddenly cramped hospital room, her hand covering her face. She blocked out everything else that was happening and focused her energy on staying calm and keeping her breaths even. She closed her eyes and shook her head.

Owen Hunt slowly approached his wife, who was shaking and convulsing with sobs, and placed his hand gently on her back. She pulled her hand away from her best friends head and turned into his embrace, soaking the Chiefs shirt with tears.

Richard Webber scratched nervously at his beard, fighting the tears on the verge of spilling from his eyes. He sighed audibly, clenching his eyes shut and swallowing the lump in his throat. He was in shock, unable to comprehend the scene before him.

Arizona Robbins gasped loudly and felt her wife's arms quickly wrap around her, leaning on each other for support. She hadn't known Meredith too well, but seeing the way all of her friends were destroyed by this made her feel like she had.

Callie Torres heard her wife gasp beside her and instinctively wrapped her arms around the small blonde surgeon, sucking in a harsh breath and allowing tears to run down her face. Her brain could barely comprehend what was happening around her and all she could see was the body of the surgeon she called her friend laying limp and lifeless in Derek Shepherd's arms.

Teddy Altman pushed through the people crowding the door, confused as to what was making people so upset. She reached the front of the group and was standing just a few feet in front of the hospital bed. She blinked a few times to make sure that what she was seeing was true. _Meredith Grey is dead?_ She didn't want to believe it, Meredith hadn't been too close to her, but she saw the impact that the surgeon had on the rest of the hospital and she respected it. Now... she couldn't believe she was gone.

Jackson Avery and April Kepner squeezed through the crowd until they were standing just to the side of Teddy, their eyes going wide at the sight of their friend, lifeless and pale, in her husbands arms. April gasped loudly, her high, shrill voice filling the room and everyone inside of it. She wrapped her shaking arms around Jackson's muscular body, burying her face in his chest.

Jackson stayed surprisingly calm, mostly because he was in shock. He felt April fall into him and embraced her, holding her up and allowing her to cry into his scrubs. His mouth was open and he bit at his bottom lip, trying to find anything to be angry at other than the world itself.

Alex Karev entered the room last, having stumbled down the hallway as fast as his recent head trauma would allow him. He saw the devastation plastered on the faces of his friends and heard Derek's loud sobs from the doorway. He fell to his knees, his head dropping into his hands. He spoke the first words of anyone in that moment, pure guilt boiling within him.

"It should've been me... should've been me... it should have been me..."

All of this happened within a single moment. Every person in that room had a different reaction to the body on the bed. Though, each of them felt the same empty devastating feeling in the pit of their stomach. Each of them felt the destructive and heavy feeling of utter loss washing over them and there was not a single face in the room that wasn't covered in tears.

Meredith Grey owned a part of each and every one of them. She had taken that part of them with her when she left. And they would never truly get it back.

 **So... I've gotten a lot of bad reviews on the last chapter. I get it. Stories about death aren't fun to read. But... this is my story. I normally tailor my stories based on what my readers think of them, but I wanted this one to be different and... I guess most people didn't like that. I'm really sorry if you're disappointed in this story or in me, but I hope this one discision won't determine your opinion of my writing forever. I write these stories to learn and make myself better as a writer and as a publisher, and I've definitely learned from this story. I want to say thank you to everyone who has left kind and encouraging reviews and I also want to say thank you to those of you who told me how I could be better. I'm not opposed at all to critiscism and I actually like it because it makes me better, so thank you. Thank you for reading this story and sticking with it even if you didn't like the way it turned out and I hope that you will continue to read my stories.**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	8. Torrential Pain

**This chapter was inspired by a review from _aphass,_ Thank you for inspiring me to continue this story.**

Days passed. Days turned to weeks and still, the doctors of Seattle Grace were zombies. Meredith's funeral came and went, it provided closure and relief for some, but only more torrential pain for others.

Many people say that they still saw their friend. In the days that turned to weeks and months after her death, Meredith's loved ones each coped in different ways, but yet each one of them believed to have had an encounter with their deceased friend.

These are stories of grief. These are stories of survival.

May 14th- Day of Death

 _Derek_

The news of Meredith's death quickly spread throughout Seattle Grace Mercy West, sending devastation and breaking hearts across the surgical floor.

The surgeons gathered in her hospital room, which seemed suddenly void of life and warmth, found seats and cried into each other for hours. Alex Karev has disappeared, wandering through the halls of the hospital mumbling to himself like an escaped psych patient.

Not one of them spoke a word but Derek, who had refused to move from his spot on the bed with his wife clutched in his arms, whispering to her as if she were a crying baby.

When representatives from the morgue appeared in the doorway, he went silent, staring at them with a look colder than the skin his hands were still wrapped around. The doctors tried to pry him free of her but he refused, sobbing and crying as he held her for the last time.

Suddenly, everything in the room went silent and Derek heard the one voice he longed for more than anything.

"It's alright, Derek. It's not me anymore." Meredith said. He turned to where her voice was coming from and saw that the room was vacant, only him, his love, and her dead body in his arms.

"Meredith..." he breathed through the silence, placing the body down on the bed gently and rushing over to her. He threw his arms around her and felt the life inside of her, the breath inside her lungs, the beating of her heart.

"Derek..." She said, in disbelief herself. She reminded herself of all the things she wanted to say to him and let them spew from her brain.

"Derek, I want you to be happy. I want you to move on. I want Zola to have a mommy. I want you to find someone to love again. So, please don't get so dark and twisty that you can't give Zola the life she deserves. And don't let anyone take her away from you, you hold onto her. She's our baby. She is. So you don't let her go, ever. You be the best father that I know you are, and you raise her to make us proud, like I know she will. Don't force her to be a surgeon if she doesn't want to. Don't pressure her and please, for God's sake, learn how to do her hair!" Meredith ordered, pulling away from him and holding him at an arms length away from her.

Derek wiped the tears from his eyes and looked into hers, which were filled with sincerity and still some disbelief.

"O-okay. I ca- I can do it." He stuttered. Meredith gave him a sad smile, running her fingers through his hair and pulling him close to her. She stood on her toes and kissed him, feeling their bodies mesh together and their hands entwined on his face.

"Will I ever see you again?" He asked her, out of breath. She frowned, running her hand gently down his cheek.

"I don't know." She admitted, a pout on her face. He felt his heart shatter inside his chest and tears spring to his eyes as he looked down at her.

"Derek, just... take care of Zola, and don't forget to have sex!" She said, stepping away from him as she felt herself being pulled back to the afterlife. He tried to follow her but she stopped him, pulling him into one last kiss.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

And then she was gone.

And Derek let go.

May 21st- Funeral

 _Cristina_

She stepped out of the car in her skin tight black dress and slip on black shoes. Her curly hair was pulled to the side, resting on her chest. She had light makeup on, careful not to put anything close to her eyes as surely she would be crying a lot that day. She had cried a lot every day.

Meredith was her person. She was the one who cut her out of her wedding dress after Burke left her. She was the first person she told when she was pregnant. She was the first person outside of her and Owen that found out about why they were fighting. She was always there, right by Cristina's side, when she would sit and Joe's and drink her pain away. She always knew when they needed to dance it out.

Cristina felt so empty without her twisted sister. She spent the days doing surgeries and avoiding talking to patients at all costs, afraid of her own weak and emotionless voice. The only person she ever confided in was Owen, who coaxed her into talking each night and gave her a safe place to let out all of her emotion.

She stopped caring about what Owen had done to her. It was petty. She realized that she couldn't waste her life getting hung up on little things like relationship problems. It was her work that mattered most. She allowed herself to be comforted by Owen, but rarely contributed anything to the relationship. She was almost always silent in the OR, doing each procedure and knowing that she knew how to do and do it well. She had not had a bad outcome in a surgery since Meredith had died. The OR was her safe place, where she could forget about all the crap in her life and just cut. 

Meredith was still always in the back of her head. Every moment, Cristina thought of her best friend. Every moment, Cristina missed her so much that it hurt her to think that it had been only days in the years and years she would have to live without her person.

She gotten herself dressed up and prepared that morning, refusing to let herself cry before she even got to the church. She somehow held herself together as she walked up the steps and tried but failed to stop herself from thinking horrible things.

Tears were already gathered in her eyes as she stepped into the reception room, which had a somber atmosphere as people gathered around the open coffin in the center of the room. 

Cristina almost collapsed as she looked at the polished wood of the coffin, knowing that it was the final resting place of the best friend she had ever had. She felt pain in the pit of her stomach and she finally allowed the tears to cascade down her face as she slowly approached the coffin, not bothering to even acknowledge the people who moved out of her way. 

All of the bandages on Meredith's body had been removed and the bruises covered up with heavy makeup. She had been fitted with an elegant purple dress that flowed to her knees, which Cristina couldn't see because the coffin was only half open. She reached down and placed her hand on Meredith's freezing cold face, a small sob escaping her lips.

The quiet crying in the room suddenly stopped and she looked up, startled when she realized everyone had disappeared. Her eyes darted around the room and her heart skipped a beat when they landed on her best friend, smiling sadly and walking towards her.

Cristina ran towards Meredith, throwing her arms around the surgeon and crying over her shoulder. Meredith embraced her back, tears in her own eyes as she remembered the hugs that they had shared.

"Meredith!" Cristina cried, running her hands up and down Meredith's arms to make sure that she was real. 

"Cristina..." her best friend started, but she interrupted her.

"Listen to me, you are my person. You will always be my person, that's never gonna change. I don't care if you're sitting on the beach in heaven drinking tequila or cutting people open with George, you'll still be my person. I know I told you that Owen's my person, but it's not true. It's you, Meredith. It's always been you." Cristina cried. 

"You're my person, Cristina. You're the best friend I've ever had. And you're a damn good surgeon. Which is why you _have_ to pass your boards. Kiss Callie's butt if it means she'll help you study, get there on time, and ace it. You've got such a good career ahead of you, Cristina, don't waste in on me." Meredith said, looking seriously into Cristina's eyes.

"And don't you _dare_ leave Seattle, Yang!" She nagged, making Cristina laugh through her tears.

"I promise you Meredith, I'm not going anywhere." Cristina said. She looked around her and then looked back at her best friend.

"What is this? How did this happen, and can it happen again?" She asked. Meredith sighed, taking both of Cristina's hands and letting them hang loosely in hers.

"I don't know. I... I woke up and I was in that hospital room but... it was like I was looking in from the outside. I saw everyone, and I heard everything, but I couldn't do anything. I kept trying to talk to Derek, I kept thinking about him, and I reached out to touch him and... everyone disappeared but us. It was just me and him... just like this. And then... I left. And... the same thing happened today. I saw you and I... I reached out to you and then... well... this happened." She explained to the best of her ability.

Cristina had never been religious. She had never believed in the afterlife or any kind of God. But this... seeing Meredith in the flesh and hearing her voice... it changed her perspective entirely. 

"If I never see you again..." she started. Meredith interrutped her by pulling her into a tight and tearful embrace. 

"You'll always be my person." Cristina said softly. Meredith pulled away from her, taking a step back and letting her arms drop to her sides. 

"Don't forget to dance it out." She said. And then she was gone, just as fast as she had appeared. Cristina found herself standing in the room again, tears pouring from her eyes and her hand still stroking Meredith's face, yet somehow she had a feeling of closure wash over her. 

She let out a heavy sigh and stepped away from the coffin, making her way out of the room in search of Derek.

XxXxX

From then on, each of Meredith's loved ones had a different story of a visit from their deceased friend. Each time they would ask if they could see her again and she would say the same thing, 'I don't know.' Every time that she had to say goodbye to one of her friends, she felt her heart shattering in her chest. Yet she continued to visit them, every chance she got, she would reach out and speak to someone from her past. It was what kept her going.

For some reason, she couldn't find a way to visit Derek again. It was as if something was stopping her from seeing her friends a second time. She would reach out and try to speak to them, but they couldn't hear her. Eventually, she gave up entirely and only watched on as the people that were her family slowly moved on. 

She saw Cristina throwing herself into her work and becoming one of the best surgeons Seattle had ever seen. She saw Derek become a loving and caring father and an even better doctor. She watched Alex transform from a tough guy to a softie in the years after her death. He seemed shaken and horribly guilty, even after she had visisted him and assured him that it wasn't his fault. Meredith watched as Owen and Richard worked together to keep the hospital standing and she was shocked when they built a new section to the hospital dedicated to her, called the _Meredith Grey Memorial Wing._ She saw Mark and Lexie get married and Callie and Arizona raise Sofia, who was becoming an amazing friend to Zola.

Meredith watched her baby grow into a beautiful young girl, proud that Derek finally figured out how to do her hair. Zola was smart, so smart, and she was much more mature than most kids her age. Meredith was so proud of her and of Derek that she couldn't handle the fact that she wasn't able to talk to him.

 **I know this is a wierd way to end a chapter but this WILL be continued. There will probably be a couple more chapters that will be similar to this one, with single scenes about the characters coping and little messages in between.**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	9. I Miss Mommy

May 21st- After The Funeral

 _Richard_

He sat at the bar and looked down at the glass of water before him. His face had been molded to a forlorn frown ever since that day, yet he had refused to let himself turn to alcohol. But... it was so tempting.

 _I made a promise. I promised to protect her. I spent two ours resuscitating her the day Ellis died. I taught her, I gave her advice, but I almost got her killed as well. Gary Clark came into the hospital looking for Derek, Lexie, and Me. Meredith begged him to shoot her because it would hurt us. And she knew that was what he wanted to do. That was my fault, if I hadn't insisted we kill his wife, he wouldn't have come in the first place and Meredith may not have lost her baby..._

"Don't." A soft voice spoke behind him. He looked up and was shocked to see that everyone in the bar had disappeared. _How long have I been sitting here?_

"Don't throw away everything you've worked towards. It's not worth it. Not for me." She said. Richard turned around and came face to face with the woman who was like a daughter to him. He was filled with shame.

"I promised your mother I would protect you. Now you're the one who's protecting me." He sighed. 

"Don't blame yourself, Richard. You've been sober for so long, you've worked so hard, you can't give in now. You had the strength to deny a drink with a gun to your face, do you know how amazing that is? You're going to be fine, you'll move on. You all will. If you let this consume you, it will never get better." Meredith said. 

"What are you, anyway? A hallucination?" Richard asked skeptically. Meredith sighed.

"It's hard to explain... but, I'm real. It's not just your mind playing tricks on you. I promise." She said. Meredith stepped away from him and began to leave the bar.

"Don't do it, Chief." She said before slipping out the door. Richard opened his eyes and looked down at the glass of water in front of him again. He sighed and pulled a five dollar bill from his pocket, drank the rest of the water, and placed the money under the empty glass.

The Chief stood from his barstool and walked confidently from the bar, driving home filled with pride.

November 10th, 2016

 _Four Years Later_

Derek watched as light danced across his daughter's eyes, which were filled with wonder and amazement. He saw the reflection of the firework show in her pupils, a huge smile on her small face. She let out a giggle and looked up at him, her tiny little teeth shining in the light of the fireworks.

The show ended and they both stood up, her little hand instinctively sliding into his big one. She smiled up at him as he led her back to the car, both of them talking and laughing about the show and all of the fun they had.

Derek drove his little girl to the same restaurant he took her to every year on that day, asking for the same table in the outdoor seating area that was around the fire pit. They arrived and sat down next to each other, with Zola scooting her chair a little bit closer to his out of her need to always be within arm's length of her daddy.

Cristina, Owen, Lexie, and Mark arrived shortly, taking seats next to each other and ordering their food.

The night was filled with chatter and laughter and none of the customers acknowledged the real reason why they were there until after they had finished their food and had fallen into a calm silence.

Derek reached out and grabbed Zola's hand. She looked up at him and was suddenly struck with curiosity.

"Hey daddy?" She said in her cute little high pitched voice. The people around the fire pit all looked at the two of them, smiles on their faces at the relationship between father and daughter.

"Why do we always come here on the same day every year?" She said. Every face around the table fell suddenly as a wave of grief washed over them all. Derek sighed and bit his lip, trying to think of the best way to explain it to his innocent daughter without breaking her heart.

"Well, you see, November 10th was Mommy's birthday, Zo. We always go out to dinner on her birthday because she was really special to us." He said. Zola was only more confused.

"Well... why can't Mommy come with us?" She said. The hearts of everyone around the table broke in two as the girl looked up at her father, only innocent curiosity on her face. She had no idea the devastation that was being resurfaced by her questioning.

"Well, Zola... Mommy's here. You just can't see her. She's here, she's always with you, Zo." He said. Zola sighed, standing from her chair and sitting in his lap, curling up in his embrace.

"I don't remember Mommy very well. Just a little bit. What was she like?" Zola asked. A smile appeared on Derek's face as he though about all of the things he loved about his wife.

"Well... she had blond hair and bright green eyes. She always smelled really good, and she loved you very much. She loved everyone very much." Derek started. His daughter interrupted him with the question on her mind, no idea that it would shatter the hearts of the people around her to pieces.

"If Mommy loved us, why did she leave?" Zola asked. Derek was too stunned to respond for a minute, tears jumping to his eyes as he looked anywhere but down at his naive daughter.

"Sometimes... people have to leave, and they don't have a choice. It was just Mommy's turn to go. She didn't want to leave any of us. And she's always here, even if you can't see her. She's always watching over you, and making sure you're safe." He explained softly.

"Did Mommy go to heaven?" Zola suddenly asked. Derek sucked in a surprised breath and looked down at her, his eyes wide.

"Do you know what heaven is?" He asked. Zola nodded.

"It's the place where good people go after they die. Did Mommy die?" She said. Derek sighed breathlessly and looked at his friends, begging one of them to step in and do something.

"Yes, Zola. Mommy died. She died trying to save a little baby who was just born." Cristina jumped in, saving Derek from the pain of reliving that day.

"Did she go to heaven?" Zola asked again.

"Of course she did, honey. Mommy was a really good Mommy." Cristina assured her.

"I miss Mommy." Zola said, curling up further in her father's lap and beginning to doze off. He wiped the tears from his face and rubbed her back comfortingly.

"I do too, Zo. I do too."

 **Sorry if the text is weirdly centered on this chapter, I'm having formatting issues.**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	10. You Are My Mother

**This chapter will be extra long because it's the tenth chapter! Woo!**

July 12th, 2014- Mark and Lexie's Wedding

 _Mark and Lexie_

The ceremony was a blur. Mark stood at the altar and looked back at Derek, Owen, and Jacson behind him, who smiled encouragingly. In the crowd, he saw Richard, Miranda, Ben, and even Alex and Addison cheering them on.

The procession began, with Callie, Arizona, and April all entering at the same time and walking down the aisle in matching blue dresses. Next came Cristina, the maid of honor, in a dress the same color blue but slightly more extravagant.

Everyone knew that Meredith would have been the maid of honor if she could. Mark felt a pang of pain as he looked around and didn't see her face, he knew if she were there in the flesh she would have the biggest smile on her face that would banish all of the doubt from his mind immediately. Yet, the room felt empty without her despite the magnitude of people cheering as the bridesmaids took their places at the front of the room.

Mark smiled as Sofia toddled down the aisle, throwing flower petals in every direction with the most adorable smile on her face. Beside her was Tuck, with a tiny little suit and equally tiny tie on as he carried a velvet pillow with their rings on it through the large church.

Finally, his face lit up as Lexie entered the room, her father in a (fitting) grey suit guiding her down the walkway. She looked stunning in her long and flowing white gown, with her long hair flawlessly braided behind her. She smiled at him as her Father let go of her arm and took his seat in the front row, allowing her to stand in front of Mark and look into his eyes.

He reached down and took her hands in his, sighing and smiling at her as reality dawned on him. _I'm getting married. Lexie and I are getting married, I'm going to have a wife!_

The pastor began speaking but he turned it out, having never really understood much of the talking at weddings anyway. Instead, he focused on Lexie. He took in every feature of her face, from her eyes to her nose to her cheeks and her chin, he realized he couldn't see any flaw on her face. _She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen._

Mark didn't notice when the pastor suddenly stopped talking, as he wasn't listening anyway. Lexie noticed, though, her expression changing to one of concern as they both looked to the pastor and quickly realized he wasn't there. The couple looked back at each other in confusion before a voice they hadn't heard in over a year called out from the middle of the room.

"You didn't think I forgot about you, did you?" Meredith asked. Lexie's eyes went wide as she looked to where the sound was coming from and saw her sister standing there with a smile on her face. She gasped and took off, her dress fluttering behind her and her ankles surprisingly not hurting from running in heels. Mark took off seconds later, reaching her just in time to sweep both sisters up into his arms.

"Big Grey!" He cried, feeling tears on his face. Cristina, Derek, and Richard had told them about how they had seen Meredith, and they knew exactly what was happening as soon as they saw her. He finally released both of them and they separated, each one of their faces painted with tears.

"Lexie... Lexie, I'm so happy for you." Meredith said, out of breath from crying as she held her sisters hands.

"You... you're the best sister I could ever have asked for. I miss you so much, but it makes me so happy that you're happy, and I'm proud of you. But you better not forget that you're a Grey. You'll always be a Grey, Lexie, even if you call yourself a Sloan. And... between you and me.." Meredith leaned in to whisper in her little sister's ear. "Try not to break his _You-know-what_ again." They both giggled and Lexie hugged her sister again, feeling her fingers in the surgeon's hair and missing her more than ever.

"And you, McSteamy. You hurt my little sister and I swear to god, I will smite you from the heavens myself." Meredith joked, narrowing her eyes dramatically at him. He chuckled, sweeping her up into his arms and kissing the top of her head.

"I miss you, kid!" He said, hearing her laugh which he hadn't realized made him feel so happy. He set her down and she sighed, looking up at him and feeling tears in her eyes.

"Seriously, Mark. Take care of the people in your life. Take care of Sofia and make sure Derek's okay. And don't let Lexie go. Ever." Meredith lectured. He nodded, staring into her green eyes with his blue ones and trying to stop himself from crying.

"And don't think that just because we're both married that you're not still a Dirty Mistress. One a mistress, always a mistress, don't you forget it!" Meredith teased. They both laughed and he hugged her once more, feeling Lexie joining them as tears flowed from all of their eyes.

"Take care of each other, you two! I love you both!" She said when they let go and she knew she had to leave. Lexie sighed shakily and held onto Mark as she disappeared from the doors of the church, stealing one last smile at the both of them before she was gone.

August 20th, 2023.

 _Zola_

Zola closed her eyes, ambition bubbling inside of her. Tomorrow was her first day of Middle School and she was over the moon with excitement. Her dad had prepared her for this day her entire life and she couldn't believe it was finally upon her.

 _Middle school kids are mean. Don't let them get you down. You're strong, you're smart, and you're beautiful. You don't let anyone tell you otherwise._ He had told her. She felt a smile on her face as she drifted to sleep, her mind slowly coming down from it's adrenaline high.

"Zola..." a strangely familiar voice called out to her. She couldn't pinpoint exactly who it came from, but it was as if it were on the tip of her tongue.

She opened her eyes and found herself still in her bedroom, but there was a woman standing in her doorway. She looked at the woman, perplexed, but she wasn't scared of her. No, this woman seemed like an old friend, someone she had known long ago and forgotten about.

"Who are you?" Zola asked. The woman smiled at her, tears flowing from her eyes.

"I'm your Mother, Zola." She cried, stifling a sob. "You're so beautiful..." she smiled at her daughter, breathing shakily and sobbing quietly.

Zola's mouth fell open and she stood from her bed, slowly approaching her mother. Her breath hitched in her throat and everything made sense to her, the feeling of familiarity, the way her father always described her. He was right. She was beautiful.

Zola reached her mother and threw her arms around her, both of them sobbing into each other. Zola knew it wasn't real, her mother was dead, but her father had told her that he had seen his wife after she died, she had visited him and talked to him and he could feel her... she knew it was her mother.

"Mommy..." She choked through her crying, and her mother pulled away from her, holding her at arms length and stroking her face. She smiled weakly at her daughter, her face soaked with wet tears.

"Daddy told me he saw you. He said that was the last day he ever touched you. And aunt Cristina said you came to her at your funeral. She said that was the last time she heard your voice. And aunt Lexie and uncle Mark... they said that they saw you again the day they got married. She said that day was the last time she ever held your hand. And I always wondered why you'd never come to see me. And now I realize..." she paused as her emotions overwhelmed her for a second and she cried harder, her mother pulling her into another tight embrace.

"This... is the last time you can hug me. I'm never going to see you again, but... I love you. I know that I only knew you when I was young but- but I love you because you're my mom. And daddy loves you, he talks about you so much, and he can't even look at other women, and he always tells me that you're there and you're keeping us safe and I never really understood him until now and... I love you." She cried.

Meredith did nothing to conceal her sobs and she held her child for the first time in 10 years, hearing her words filling her with a pride that sent shivers across her skin.

"Zola... I love you more than you could _ever_ imagine. And your daddy... you tell him that I never stopped loving him, and I never stopped trying to see him again. A-and you make sure to call him McDreamy. He'll believe you then." Meredith smiled through her tears. Zola giggled, having never heard the strange nicknames but loving them already.

"Oh, god, I missed you so much!" She cried, hugging her daughter again because it felt so right to her.

"Zola, I want you to know that I will always love you, no matter what mistakes you make. If you don't want to be a surgeon, by god, don't let anyone force you to be. And if you ever feel like it's just too much for you, I want you to know you can always come to me. Even if you think I'm not listening or you feel silly, I'm here. I'm always here when you need me. And if you don't... and you forget about me... I'll still be here, and I'll still love you, no matter what." She said to her daughter.

"I'm never going to forget you, Mom. And trust me, I'm going to need you a lot. There are some things that I just can't talk to daddy about..." her daughter trailed off and they both erupted into giggles, the skin around Meredith's eyes crinkling with her huge smile. She was still stunned at how beautiful her daughter was and what an amazing girl her husband had raised her to be.

"You probably don't remember, but... the day that I died, I woke up. I woke up from the coma I was in and I asked for you. And your daddy, he ran all the way to the daycare and he brought you to me. And... I felt really tired all of the sudden. And I knew that I was slipping. So, I hugged you, really tight to my body, and I looked up at your daddy and I told him to take care of you. And then, I closed my eyes and I left. It didn't hurt... the thing that hurt was him, the look in his eyes, and how he begged me not to go..." Meredith collapsed into sobs, her daughter in the same state in her arms.

"I'm so sorry, Zola! I'm sorry that I left, that you don't have a mother-" Her daughter interrupted her, grabbing her shoulders and forcing her to look up into her eyes.

" _You_ are my mother." She declared, looking into Meredith's eyes and breathing heavily. "That will never change. And I do remember. Daddy says I have a photographic memory."

Meredith's hand was shaking violently as she reached up to touch her daughter's face, and smile upon her own.

"You're so beautiful..." she cried, and the smile faded from her face. Her hand dropped and her eyes became glassy.

Zola gasped, opening her eyes and shooting up in her bed. Derek was sitting beside her, in the process of waking her up. He saw the tears on his daughter's face and noticed she was out of breath from crying, his face immediately transforming to a look of concern.

"Zola, what happened, are you alright?" He asked, jumping forward and placing one hand on hers and the other on her back. She gasped for air and sobbed shakily, slowly looking up to meet his gaze. Her mouth hung open as she was still shocked by what had happened.

"I-I... I s-s-saw her." She said, her voice barely a whisper.

"Saw who?" He asked, even more concerned.

"Mom." She stated shakily. Derek was frozen for a moment. He looked at his daughter, disbelief painted on his face. He had assumed that his wife had moved on. After she never visited any of them again, he had thought that she had stopped trying. He assumed she just... watched.

Derek pulled Zola into a powerful and tearful embrace, his breaths heavy with shock.

"Wh-h- uh.." he stuttered, hit with a tidal wave of grief as if his wife had died all over again.

"She told me... to tell you that she never stopped trying to see you again. And she said that she never stopped loving you." Zola said softly. Derek went silent, his breath hitching inside of him as realization washed over him. _She never gave up._

"She loves you, McDreamy!" Zola cried. Derek was stunned. He and his friends had stopped using their nicknames because it was too painful after Meredith died. He knew that the only way Zola would know about them was if Meredith told her.

He squeezed his daughter tighter, swallowing the lump in his throat and attempting to speak again.

"What... else did she say?" He asked weakly. His daughter paused for a moment, thinking of the entire conversation she had with her mother. Derek released her and slid his hands down her hers, clasping them in his.

"She told me about the day she died. She said that she woke up from her coma and she asked you to go get me, so you ran all the way to the daycare and you brought me to her. And then she said she hugged me and she felt herself... slipping... and so she told you to take care of me. And then she closed her eyes and she left. And... I remember you grabbing her and yelling and I remember being scared so I hugged her, and I got even more scared because she wasn't moving and she wouldn't hug me back. I started crying because all these people rushed into the room and everything was chaos and I couldn't even think anymore and... that's as much as I can remember." She said.

Derek took a shaky breath and bit his bottom lip to stop himself from sobbing. He closed his eyes and felt tears rolling down his face as he nodded, taking a deep breath to calm himself and opening is eyes again.

He looked at the clock and his eyes went wide, shooting up from the bed and running over to his daughter's closet.

"Oh, god, you're gonna be late!" He shouted as he grabbed the outfit they had both picked from its hanger and threw it at her. They both frantically wiped the tears from their eyes and they rushed to get ready, doing hair and makeup in record time and grabbing donuts he had picked up the night before on the way out the door.

As soon as they were in the car with her brand new backpack and stunning outfit, Derek took a deep breath and steadied himself, his daughter doing the same beside him.

"We can talk after school, if you want. There are some things that we haven't told you that you should know." He said softly, pulling out of their driveway which he paved himself.

"Who's _we_?" Zola asked.

"Aunt Cristina, Aunt Lexie, Uncle Mark, Uncle Owen, We... we should have dinner tonight and we can talk. I think we've done enough avoiding the past couple of years." Derek said. Zola nodded, desperately blinking back the tears in her eyes so that she wouldn't mess up her makeup right before school.

Her father sighed, turning into the school parking lot and taking the first spot he saw. He smiled at her and punched her shoulder lightly.

"Go get 'em, Zo!" He said as she climbed out of the car. Zola gave him her smile that melted his heart and two thumbs-ups as she closed the door and slung her backpack over her back, approached the school.

He sat for a while and watched his daughter enter the big doors with a crowd of other kids, looking around after she was gone. His breath hitched when he saw a figure standing on the wall beside the door, looking straight at him.

He could have sworn it was Meredith.

 **I actually had to stop writing this halfway through and just cry for a while. This will be the last chapter of this story in this format and it will continue from this point, with Zola starting middle school after the visit from her mother.**

 **Don't forget to leave a review to let me know how you liked this chapter or if you have any ideas for future chapters!**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	11. Just The Beginning

Zola walked through the doors of the huge school and looked around. Her mouth fell open slightly as she scanned the long halls with her eyes, amazed at how people seemed so natural walking through them. She pulled her backpack up further on her back and breathed deeply for a moment, remembering what her parents had told her and feeling confident in herself.

She made her way to her first period class, math, and found it surprisingly easily. She opened the door and scanned the room slowly, searching for a familiar face. Her eyes lit up as they landed on her best friend, Sofia, and she ran towards her, throwing her arms around her and cheering loudly.

"Sofia! Oh, god, I missed you over the summer!" She cried. Sofia returned her hug, wide smiles on both of their faces. The girls quickly compared schedules and found that they had all of their classes together but fifth period, when Zola had AP Science and Sofia had on-level science.

"You're just too smart for me, Zo." Sofia joked as the bell rang and they took their seats. The girls talked and laughed through the day, making up for all of the time they hadn't seen each other over the summer. Though, Zola was a lot quieter than normal. She couldn't stop thinking about her mom and everything they had talked about, replaying the visit over and over in her mind.

Sofia had spent the last two months of the break in Africa with Callie, and Arizona for Arizona's Malawi project, which Mark had not been too excited about. Zola had been really happy for her and knew that the project was the only reason she had the life that she did, but she also missed her best friend in those two months.

Fifth period was lonely for Zola, as she wasn't very social and didn't like talking to anyone other than Sofia and her family, but she still enjoyed it because she really loved science. She knew she wanted to be a surgeon from the first time her father had taken her to work with him. She had followed him around and watched his every move with excitement in her eyes.

Finally, lunch came at the end of fifth period and the girls met up again, finding a small table to sit at and eat lunch together with no one else to interrupt them. They began eating and Sofia told Zola all about Africa and the things she had seen, including the amazing safari they had been on where they had seen lions and zebras and giraffes and even elephants!

"Zola, what's wrong?" Sofia asked when she noticed her friend had spaced out with a forlorn look on her face. The other girl snapped out of her trance and looked up at Sofia, acting as if nothing was wrong.

"What? Oh, nothing, sorry, I'm just really tired. I couldn't sleep last night, I was so excited for today." She lied. _I feel bad for lying to Sofia, but I don't think I'm ready to tell her about last night yet._

"Zola, I know when you're lying. Somethings up with you, why are you so sad all of the sudden?" Sofia said, reaching out and touching her best friend's hand.

"I saw my mom." Zola blurted, earning only stunned silence from Sofia. The girl felt tears in her eyes as she thought of what her mother had told her and how she had instantly fallen in love with the woman she had all but forgotten.

"I- I haven't seen her in ten years, and I know that I only met her when I was really really young, but... I love her. It's so hard to explain, but it just felt like a piece of me I didn't know I was missing was there again... and it felt really good. But..." Zola's bottom lip quivered and the tears in her eyes thickened.

"I can never see her again. She can only visit each person once and... that's why she waited for me. She wanted to wait until I was old enough to understand and remember her. But now... I've got to go the rest of my life without seeing her. I don't know if I can, Sofia. I just... I miss her so much already." Zola cried, letting the tears in her eyes stream down her face.

Sofia snapped out of her stunned daze and comforted her friend, rubbing her back soothingly and allowing her to cry on her shoulder. Sofia's parents had told her about her Aunt Meredith, how she had died in an ambulance crash trying to save an 8 hour old baby. She also knew about all of the other crazy things that her parents and their friends had been through in their careers, but had been forced to swear never to tell Zola.

She didn't know why she wasn't allowed to tell her, and it ate at her insides every time the subject was brought up. Zola was her best friend, and it hurt her to lie for so long. She knew that her parents had to have a good reason for not telling her, but... it just made no sense to the 6th Grader.

 _That Night- The Shepherd Household_

 **(You can skip this part if dialogue is boring to you)**

Derek, Zola, Cristina, Owen, Lexie, Mark, Callie, and Arizona gathered in the Shepherd's living room. Derek sat with Zola in his lap on one of the armchairs, knowing that he wouldn't want to look his daughter in the eye when he told her that he hadn't told her the entire story of her Mother's life.

Sofia had been left with Jackson and April for the night so that Zola wouldn't get distracted, which made next to no sense to the girl until the people, who she all considered her family, began speaking.

"Zola, you know the story of how your mom died, right?" He asked her. She almost scoffed. Of course she knew the story, he had told her countless times and she would never forget her mother's own telling of the events.

"Well, there's a lot more to her life than just that crash." He said. She furrowed her eyebrows and cocked her head, perplexed.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"I think we should just start from the beginning. The _very_ beginning." He said, looking up at his friends.

"Your grandma, Ellis Grey, married your grandpa Thatcher while she worked at the same hospital that we all work at now. She was a really amazing surgeon and she was really famous. Well, she had your mom and then she fell in love with Richard, you know him." Zola nodded.

"Well, Thatcher found out that she was cheating on him and he left when your mom was just 5 years old. So, your grandma moved all the way across the country and took your mom with her and they loved there for years. Eventually, they moved back here when Ellis got Alzheimer's. Your mom had to put her in a home and take care of her, and she was still in med school!" Derek said.

"Well, the night before she started her internship at Seattle Grace, she met a man in a bar. They um... got together that night and woke up in the morning and realized they didn't even know each other's names. So, your mom kicked him out of the house and went to her first day of work as an intern, where she met your Aunt Cristina, George O'Malley, Izzie Stevens, and Alex Karev." Derek said. Zola interjected.

"Alex was at your wedding, Aunt Lexie, wasn't he?" She asked. Everyone nodded, knowing that Alex was a sour subject and hoping to put him off as long as possible. Derek looked up, inviting anyone else to step in and continue the story.

"Miranda Bailey was our resident, or our teacher, basically, and she was really harsh at first. Your mom found out that the guy that she met the night before was actually her boss, and it was really awkward. They started a relationship anyway and continued in secret." Cristina jumped in. Zola turned around to look at Derek, wondering why they were telling her a story about her mom dating someone that wasn't him.

"Well, then her boss's wife, who had cheated on him with his best friend, showed up from New York and tried to win him back. He was an _idiot_ and tried to make their marriage work and it ended up falling apart and they got a divorce. Him and your mom got back together." Cristina said. Zola's mouth fell open as began to think her moms life was complicated. She had no idea.

"Then Bailey had Tuck and she named him after George and we knew she was soft on the inside. Well, then there was Denny Duquette." Zola perked up in excitement, ready for the next exciting part of the story.

"Denny Duquette was a patient in the hospital for a heart transplant that Izzie fell in love with and got engaged to. Well, he had a heart that he was supposed to get but there was one person that was in line ahead of him by 17 seconds. So, she knew that if a patient was in critical condition, they would be moved up in line to get organs from donors. So, being the idiot that she was, she cut the wire to the machine that was beating his heart for him." Zola gasped.

"He got his heart and he was fine, but he had a stroke a few days later and he died." Cristina finished. Zola looked up at her father, questions all over her face, but he just told her to wait and everything would make sense.

"Then Meredith found out that her dad had moved on and gotten married again. He had two kids with his new wife, one of them is Aunt Lexie." Cristina explained. Mark explained the next part.

"Just when everything began to settle down, a ferry boat crashed as all of us had to go to the crash and help people. Well, your mom was helping this man with a really bad leg injury. And while she was helping him, he started thrashing around, and, Well, they were really close to the edge of the bridge, so... your mom was thrown off into the water." Zola's eyes went wide and she gasped loudly, her small hand covering her mouth.

"Okay, I'm gonna pause for a second and explain your moms relationship status because it's important. If you haven't figured it out already, the man in the bar was your dad. And that lady at Lexie and my wedding, the one with the red hair, that was his wife from New York, Addison." Zola turned to look at Derek incredulously. She had never known he had loved anyone other than her mom.

"But... Uncle Mark... didn't you and dad live together in New Yor-" Zola froze as everything clicked. She covered her mouth, which was wide open, with her hand.

"You didn't..." Mark was blushing.

"Oh my god.." He cleared his throat.

" _Anyway,_ Derek found out that Meredith had been thrown in the water, and, living up to his nickname, he jumped in after her and pulled her out." Mark changed the subject. Zola leaned forward, full of anticipation. She remembered that her mom had called him McDreamy and didn't wonder why anymore.

"Did everyone have nicknames?" She asked suddenly. They all looked around at each other and smiled.

"Well, I was Little Grey and Meredith was Big Grey." Lexie said.

"Meredith and I were the twisted sisters." Cristina said.

"I was McSteamy." Mark laughed. "And Meredith I were the Dirty Mistresses." He chuckled.

"Addison was Satan and the Adulterous-" Cristina was cut off by death stares from the adults around the room and quickly checked herself, remembering she was in the presence of an 11 year old.

"Um.. Alex Karev was Evil Spawn for a while, George O'Malley... George O'Malley was 007..." Cristina paused as grief washed over the people in the circle and Zola was very confused as to why.

"Izzie was Barbie and Dr. Model, and there were _plenty_ of other McNicknames but we'd be here all day if we listed them off."

"Well, Anyway, Derek carried your mom all the way to an ambulance and kept her alive until they got to the hospital, when Bailey and Richard took over and worked for an hour and a half to bring her back to life. But... they couldn't." Mark got them back on track. Zola looked at him, confused, and shook her head.

"I though my mom died in an ambulance crash..?" She said.

"Whoever said you only live once is a liar." Callie muttered from the couch.

"Well, your mom was dead, but when they had me come in to say goodbye to her, I grabbed her feet and I told Bailey to try one more time to bring her back. And it worked. She came back from the dead." Cristina explained.

"Wow... my mom was awesome!" Zola laughed.

"That's just the beginning..." Derek said.

 **I'm going to post a full version of this scene soon if you want to read it.**

XxXxX

They seemed to spend hours telling Zola everything that had happened in Meredith's life, from her mom's death to Izzie's cancer to George's death and bonding with Lexie, getting married to Derek and adopting Zola, the Alzheimer's trial and the night of the Ambulance Crash. They all told different parts of the story and gave their perspective on Meredith and her life, and it all came together as one cohesive plot worthy of a long-running drama TV show.

By the time they were finished, it was late at night and Zola was exhausted. She said goodnight to everyone and went to bed, leaving them just outside her room to talk for another few hours.

Sleep consumed her quickly and she was out, having just enough time to change into pajamas and get under the covers before she was gone.

It had been about 20 Minutes when Derek heard a familiar sound coming from Zola's room and shot up from his chair, silently signaling for everyone to follow him. He approached his daughter's bedroom and opened the door, looking in and seeing that she was still asleep.

Everyone heard it then, the sound of her crying. They looked around at each other, wondering if she was having a nightmare or if she was just upset. Their eyes went wide and they all stared at each other in shock when she spoke one word that sent shivers down their spines.

"Mom..."

 **So... Zola may be seeing Meredith again! As I said before, I'm going to write out the rest of the storytelling part and post it as its own chapter, but I wanted a little bit of different content for anyone who doesn't like just reading dialogue.**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	12. Just The Beginning (Continued)

_That Night- The Shepherd Household_

Derek, Zola, Cristina, Owen, Lexie, Mark, Callie, and Arizona gathered in the Shepherd's living room. Derek sat with Zola in his lap on one of the armchairs, knowing that he wouldn't want to look his daughter in the eye when he told her that he hadn't told her the entire story of her Mother's life.

Sofia had been left with Jackson and April for the night so that Zola wouldn't get distracted, which made next to no sense to the girl until the people, who she all considered her family, began speaking.

"Zola, you know the story of how your mom died, right?" He asked her. She almost scoffed. Of course she knew the story, he had told her countless times and she would never forget her mother's own telling of the events.

"Well, there's a lot more to her life than just that crash." He said. She furrowed her eyebrows and cocked her head, perplexed.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"I think we should just start from the beginning. The _very_ beginning." He said, looking up at his friends.

"Your grandma, Ellis Grey, married your grandpa Thatcher while she worked at the same hospital that we all work at now. She was a really amazing surgeon and she was really famous. Well, she had your mom and then she fell in love with Richard, you know him." Zola nodded.

"Well, Thatcher found out that she was cheating on him and he left when your mom was just 5 years old. So, your grandma moved all the way across the country and took your mom with her and they loved there for years. Eventually, they moved back here when Ellis got Alzheimer's. Your mom had to put her in a home and take care of her, and she was still in med school!" Derek said.

"Well, the night before she started her internship at Seattle Grace, she met a man in a bar. They um... got together that night and woke up in the morning and realized they didn't even know each other's names. So, your mom kicked him out of the house and went to her first day of work as an intern, where she met your Aunt Cristina, George O'Malley, Izzie Stevens, and Alex Karev." Derek said. Zola interjected.

"Alex was at your wedding, Aunt Lexie, wasn't he?" She asked. Everyone nodded, knowing that Alex was a sour subject and hoping to put him off as long as possible. Derek looked up, inviting anyone else to step in and continue the story.

"Miranda Bailey was our resident, or our teacher, basically, and she was really harsh at first. Your mom found out that the guy that she met the night before was actually her boss, and it was really awkward. They started a relationship anyway and continued in secret." Cristina jumped in. Zola turned around to look at Derek, wondering why they were telling her a story about her mom dating someone that wasn't him.

"Well, then her boss's wife, who had cheated on him with his best friend, showed up from New York and tried to win him back. He was an _idiot_ and tried to make their marriage work and it ended up falling apart and they got a divorce. Him and your mom got back together." Cristina said. Zola's mouth fell open as began to think her moms life was complicated. She had no idea.

"Then Bailey had Tuck and she named him after George and we knew she was soft on the inside. Well, then there was Denny Duquette." Zola perked up in excitement, ready for the next exciting part of the story.

"Denny Duquette was a patient in the hospital for a heart transplant that Izzie fell in love with and got engaged to. Well, he had a heart that he was supposed to get but there was one person that was in line ahead of him by 17 seconds. So, she knew that if a patient was in critical condition, they would be moved up in line to get organs from donors. So, being the idiot that she was, she cut the wire to the machine that was beating his heart for him." Zola gasped.

"He got his heart and he was fine, but he had a stroke a few days later and he died." Cristina finished. Zola looked up at her father, questions all over her face, but he just told her to wait and everything would make sense.

"Then Meredith found out that her dad had moved on and gotten married again. He had two kids with his new wife, one of them is Aunt Lexie." Cristina explained. Mark explained the next part.

"Just when everything began to settle down, a ferry boat crashed as all of us had to go to the crash and help people. Well, your mom was helping this man with a really bad leg injury. And while she was helping him, he started thrashing around, and, Well, they were really close to the edge of the bridge, so... your mom was thrown off into the water." Zola's eyes went wide and she gasped loudly, her small hand covering her mouth.

"Okay, I'm gonna pause for a second and explain your moms relationship status because it's important. If you haven't figured it out already, the man in the bar was your dad. And that lady at Lexie and my wedding, the one with the red hair, that was his wife from New York, Addison." Zola turned to look at Derek incredulously. She had never known he had loved anyone other than her mom.

"But... Uncle Mark... didn't you and dad live together in New Yor-" Zola froze as everything clicked. She covered her mouth, which was wide open, with her hand.

"You didn't..." Mark was blushing.

"Oh my god.." He cleared his throat.

" _Anyway,_ Derek found out that Meredith had been thrown in the water, and, living up to his nickname, he jumped in after her and pulled her out." Mark changed the subject. Zola leaned forward, full of anticipation. She remembered that her mom had called him McDreamy and didn't wonder why anymore.

"Did everyone have nicknames?" She asked suddenly. They all looked around at each other and smiled.

"Well, I was Little Grey and Meredith was Big Grey." Lexie said.

"Meredith and I were the twisted sisters." Cristina said.

"I was McSteamy." Mark laughed. "And Meredith I were the Dirty Mistresses." He chuckled.

"Addison was Satan and the Adulterous-" Cristina was cut off by death stares from the adults around the room and quickly checked herself, remembering she was in the presence of an 11 year old.

"Um.. Alex Karev was Evil Spawn for a while, George O'Malley... George O'Malley was 007..." Cristina paused as grief washed over the people in the circle and Zola was very confused as to why.

"Izzie was Barbie and Dr. Model, and there were _plenty_ of other McNicknames but we'd be here all day if we listed them off."

"Well, Anyway, Derek carried your mom all the way to an ambulance and kept her alive until they got to the hospital, when Bailey and Richard took over and worked for an hour and a half to bring her back to life. But... they couldn't." Mark got them back on track. Zola looked at him, confused, and shook her head.

"I though my mom died in an ambulance crash..?" She said.

"Whoever said you only live once is a liar." Callie muttered from the couch.

"Well, your mom was dead, but when they had me come in to say goodbye to her, I grabbed her feet and I told Bailey to try one more time to bring her back. And it worked. She came back from the dead." Cristina explained.

"Wow... my mom was awesome!" Zola laughed.

"That's just the beginning..." Derek said.

"Really? What happened after that?" Zola asked.

"Well, that day, Meredith's mom died. Addison left Seattle after that and your mom and I started to get really close... Well at least she started to hate me less when I began working at the hospital." Lexie said.

"Things mellowed our for a while, your mom and I completed our clinical trial and it was a success. Then, a while later, I proposed to her. She said yes. By that time, Izzie had gotten really sick with cancer and we didn't think she was going to survive. Owen and Arizona arrived at the hospital as well.

Izzie had been dating Alex for a while and her condition was getting worse and worse, so we let her plan our wedding to make her happy. Then, the day of the wedding came around, and we ended up giving our wedding to them. So Izzie and Alex got married instead of us and we just stayed engaged." Derek said. Zola had never heard of Izzie before, but she felt bad for her and hoped she survived.

"Then... the bus..." He trailed off, feeling like he hadn't known George well enough to tell that part of the story. That was when Callie stepped in.

"George O'Malley suddenly decided to quit to go join the army as a doctor. Everyone thought he was crazy but we couldn't stop him because he had already left. Then, Izzie Stevens started to die in Alex's arms and we got a patient who had jumped in front of a bus to save this random lady on the street. The patient was really messed up so no one knew who he was, so we called him John Doe.

We brought him into surgery and he survived but he still needed another surgery after that one. Your mom was in the room when he woke up, and he kept trying to tell her something. Eventually, she had him trace it out on her hand." Callie said. The surgeons all looked around at each other as Callie reached and grabbed Zola's hand. She slowly traced out 0-0-7 on the girl's palm.

"Oh...Oh... Seven...?" Zola said. Callie did it again.

"Double O... Seven? 007?" Zola said, confused. Callie squeezed her hand. Suddenly, Zola gasped, her eyes wide and her hand shooting up to cover her wide open mouth as tears rushed to her eyes.

"Oh, god! George?! Really?!" She cried. Callie nodded and Zola leaned back into her father's embrace, exasperated.

"Well, what happened?" She asked.

"They were able to revive Izzie and she survived and left the hospital cancer free, but... George died." Callie said. Zola sighed.

"God, if life really this complicated and sad?" Zola asked. Derek chuckled.

"Not unless you work at Seattle Grace, it's not." He said and everyone laughed.

"After the bus, we merged with a nearby hospital and became Seattle Grace Mercy West, and that's where Jackson and April came from." Owen said. Zola nodded to show she understood.

"Well, I was Chief of Surgery at the time. There was one patient, Alison Clarke, she had cancer like Izzie. She signed a form that said if there was ever a complication in surgery and she was brain dead, that she wanted to be taken off of life support. Well, that's exactly what happened, so I gave the order to unplug her. Well, her husband, Gary, didn't want her to be taken off of life support. When we did it anyway and his wife died, he said he was going to sue the hospital and left." Derek said.

"Your mom found out she was pregnant a few months later." Cristina jumped in. Zola gasped, her eyes wide with confusion. _She was pregnant? I had a sibling?_

"She told me first, and on that day, there was a shooting at the hospital." Cristina continued. Zola gasped again.

"Your mom and I were on our way to tell Derek when we saw him talking to Gary Clarke." She said. Derek gasped quietly and Zola felt his stomach suck in under her.

"You... you were there?! What did you see?!" He cried. Cristina bit her lip and looked away, remembering how she had to hold Meredith back as she screamed for Derek and had to watch him being shot.

"We saw... everything." She said. Derek sighed.

"I was on my way to alert the ORs that the hospital was on lockdown, but Gary Clarke stopped me. I told him to get to safety and then... he pulled his gun on me. I almost convinced him not to shoot but then April came through the doors and he got spooked... the next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital bed with Meredith next to me." Derek recounted.

Zola pulled up his shirt to reveal the scar that she had never known the origin of, now knowing it was from where he had been shot.

"I had to operate on your dad, Zola, Jackson and I took the bullet out and we were fixing the damage when Gary Clarke came in again and told us to stop. He held his gun to my head while I operated and told me to stop over and over again, but I didn't. I made your mom wait in the scrub room so she couldn't see anything and it wouldn't freak me out. Then, Owen showed up and he tried to help..." Cristina sighed.

"You know, your mom was selfless. She put herself in so much danger for all of us and... she was never afraid to do it all over again. That day... she stepped out of the scrub room and told Gary Clarke to shoot her. She told him that Lexie, who had unplugged his wife, was her sister. She told him that she was the closest thing Richard, who was her doctor, had to a daughter. And she told him that she was your daddy's wife." Cristina said. At this point, Zola had an expression of constant concern and sadness on her face, with her hand curled into a fist in front of her mouth.

"He was just about to pull the trigger when I told him she was preganant. I said he would never shoot a pregnant woman. And then, Owen jumped forward. Gary turned and shot him in the shoulder. Then, Jackson told me to stop operating. He took his hands out and raised them up, and I did the same." Zola's mouth was wide open and she was thankful that she was sitting on her father's lap or she would be tempted to touch him and make sure he was real and not dead.

"Your mom watched when the monitor flatlined and freaked out. She started screaming and crying and Gary left." Cristina said. Both Derek and Zola's eyes were wide. Derek had never known he had died during surgery. Zola had tears in her eyes and she searched for her father's hand with hers, finding it a second later and clasping hers inside of it.

"Then, Jackson plugged the heart monitor back in." The Shepherd's faces changed from confusion to astonishment as they realized what had happened.

"He had unplugged it when Gary's back had been turned so it looked like he died, when really he was fine. It was genius, really." Cristina marveled. The other people in the circle of friends were stunned at the insanity that had been going on outside of their own problems with the shooting, from Alex being shot to handling the entire pediatric ward.

"Meredith and April went into the OR across from us and fixed Owen, but... during the surgery, she had a miscarriage." Cristina said softly. The surgeons let out sad sighs and Zola felt the tears in her eyes spilling onto her face.

"Everyone survived except some of the new people from Mercy West and a bunch of nurses and security guards. Meredith went to see a doctor about the miscarriage and found out that it was really difficult and almost impossible for her to have kids." Cristina concluded quietly. Zola frowned.

"A long time after the shooting, I got an opportunity to go to Africa and help sick kids that couldn't afford to come to America. Callie and I were fighting because she didn't want me to go but I wanted to go, and it ended with me in Africa and her staying here. A while later, I came back and asked for forgiveness. Then she told me she was pregnant." Arizona paused and Mark, Callie, and Lexie all blushed.

"With Mark's baby." Arizona said. Zola furrowed her eyebrows and looked from Mark to Lexie to Callie to Arizona in severe confusion.

"So, Callie and I broke up again, but after a while the three of us warmed to the idea of a baby. We decided that we would all parent the baby together, since we all had a good reason to want to be a part of their life. Well, a few weeks before Callie was due, I proposed to her, and we got in a really bad car accident. The entire hospital had to work to save her life and the baby had to be delivered prematurely." Arizona explained. Zola smiled as she spoke the next sentence.

"Sofia Robbins Sloan Torres was born at 23 and a half weeks and was 1 pound and 1 ounce. Callie (obviously) recovered and Sofia grew to be a healthy little girl. We got married and right around that time was when-" Arizona was interrupted by Derek.

"When we met you." He said. Zola smiled.

"As soon as I held you, I knew that you were ours and I couldn't imagine our lives without you. We both fell in love and so we started the long process of adoption, with lots and lots of bumps in the road." Derek stopped, sighing as he reached the end of the story.

"The day of the ambulance crash, we got a call from our social worker that said that we probably wouldn't be allowed to adopt you. We were both heartbroken and Meredith took the opportunity to get away when it was offered. Her and Alex Karev got in an ambulance and rode to a much smaller hospital to help a baby that had been born 8 hours ago. They were on their way back to the hospital when their ambulance broke down. She called me and I was talking to her when Alex had to take a call outside." Zola cringed, knowing the next part of the story and preparing herself for the grief that she knew would overcome her in just moments.

Derek had tears on his face and sighed shakily, looking around for anyone to finish the story for him as it was too painful to relive.

"We were in the middle of a surgery when she called, so we were talking while we worked and everything was fine for a while. Then, we heard Alex screaming and then a loud crash and the line went dead. Apparently a car had crashed into the ambulance and caused it to explode." Mark cut in, the look on Derek's face when the line had died still burned in his mind.

"Alex and Meredith were the only ones who made it to the hospital and Alex was the only survivor. He got really messed up after that. He wouldn't talk to anyone, he was really irritable, and he was just straight depressed. We all knew he had survivors guilt but I guess we were all mad at him for surviving instead of Meredith, which was stupid. Anyway, he worked at the hospital for a few more years and then disappeared one day, apparently he moved to LA." Mark finished.

"Zola?" Derek asked when his daughter was dead silent.

"Zola, are you alright?" He asked, shaking her lightly. Her face was drenched with tears and she suddenly turned, burying it in her father's chest and sobbing in his arms.

He soothed her for a while until she finally felt calm enough to go to bed, quickly wishing everyone goodnight and retreating to her bedroom.

 **This chapter was really not that important to the plot, the main point was just that now Zola knows the whole story of her mom. In other news...**

 **[SPOILERS FOR SEASON 9 AHEAD]**

 **I'm on season 9 right now and it's making me so happy and sad at the same time. On one hand, I'm so happy that Meredith is pregnant again and that it's going so well so far, and on the other hand if I know this show at all she's either going to lose the baby tragically or she's going to give birth tragically... and I'm a little scared. But, I'm buckled in and I've got my season finale kit on hand- a box of tissues and a blanket to hide under.**

 **Kisses!**

 **-E**


	13. Amen

Zola let herself slip into sleep, opening her eyes a few moments later to her familiar bedroom. She looked perplexedly up at the ceiling for a moment, waiting for something to happen.

"Oh, god, it worked!" She heard a voice that made her heart jump and shot up, coming face to face with her mother.

"Mom?" She asked, jumping out of the bed and over to the woman, who welcomed her with open arms. Zola ran into them, throwing her small arms around her mother's neck and feeling Meredith embrace her as well.

"Oh, god, Mom!" She cried, a smile plastered on her face.

"How... how did this happen?" She asked when they finally let go of each other. Meredith smiled at her, the skin around her green eyes crinkling slightly.

"I... I don't know. I just did the same thing I did when I saw you the first time, and I didn't expect it to work, but it did. It did, it worked!" She exclaimed, hugging daughter again and feeling Zola snuggle her face in her mother's hair.

"I wish I could see you every night. I wish you were here, with me, in real life, I mean." Zola said softly.

"I wish I could too." Meredith sighed, letting go of her daughter and leading her towards her bed, where they both sat down.

"So... tell me about your day! How was the first day of middle school?" Meredith asked. Zola was confused for a moment.

"Don't you know? I thought you could see everything that happened." She asked. Meredith gave her a half-smile.

"I can, but that doesn't mean I know what you're thinking. So, are there any boys you like?" She said, a grin on her face. Zola scrunched up her face is disgust, shaking her head vigorously.

"All the boys my age are gross anyway. I think I'm just gonna wait till I'm older to start dating." She said. Meredith laughed, her bright teeth shining in the moonlight coming in through the window.

"Amen, honey, Amen." She laughed, causing Zola to giggle as well.

"Okay, So, what's your favorite class?" She asked, realizing it was a stupid question. She was her father's daughter, after all.

"Science! I love it, it's so interesting and the teacher is the best! I think she likes me, too!" Zola said. Meredith was filled with pride as she saw the light in her daughter's eyes as she talked about her favorite subject, seeing the passion that the girl had for it even at her young age.

"I want to be a surgeon, just like you and dad. I want to save people and I want to find new ways to help sick people, just like you did, mom! I want to be brave like you, and I want to meet people that care about me like they cared about you." Zola said, and Meredith's heart filled with joy.

"Well, I just hope you learn from my mistake. Sometimes your own life can be more important than bravery. Being selfless is a really great thing, but you've also got to look out for yourself sometimes. It's the only way we survive in this world." Meredith said, taking Zola's hands in hers.

"Thanks, Mom." Zola said. Meredith smiled at her, enjoying the silence for a few moments before finally speaking again.

"Are you _sure_ there are no boys you like?" She asked. They both erupted into laughter, giggling and laughing loudly for a long time.

"I'm really sure. I really just want to focus on school right now, and so I'm kind of glad I don't have a ton of friends to worry about or a boyfriend to try to impress. Sofia's really the only friend I need. We've known each other since you adopted me and we tell each other everything... I guess it would just be a little weird if there were someone else, you know?" Zola said.

"Yeah, I do know. Has Aunt Cristina ever told you what we called each other?" She asked. Zola shook her head.

"Well, a long time ago, back before we were cutting L-VAD wires and getting kicked off of bridges and watching our husbands get shot, Cristina was dating a man named Preston Burke." Meredith started. Zola raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, I've seen him on newspapers and things at the hospital! He's a heart surgeon, right? And he won a bunch of awards and things when he worked at Seattle, right?" Zola said, her photographic memory kicking in and her face lighting up as she talked about the hospital.

"Yeah, yeah that's right. Well, Aunt Cristina almost married him, can you imagine that? Well, anyway, while they were dating, George, Cristina and I were all sitting at our favorite bar when we decided to play a game of 'who's life sucks the most', one of our favorites." Zola giggled at the ridiculously unoriginal name of the game but allowed her mother to continue, excited about the story.

"Well, I went first, I told them both that Derek was married. George spit his beer out all over himself and had to go to the bathroom. It would have been really funny if I hadn't been seriously pissed off." Meredith laughed.

"I kept telling her that I won and then she told me she was pregnant." Zola gasped. "Well, she scheduled an abortion because she couldn't handle a baby and needed an emergency contact. Preston had dumped her for the moment so she put my name down. When she told me, she said I was her person. It stuck. She's my person and I'm hers. We always were." Meredith said.

Zola was smiling wide and she leaned back in her bed, feeling the wall catching her.

"Sofia's my person, I guess. But I'm not pregnant and I don't plan on dating a middle schooler with a wife so... I guess I'm in the clear for a while." She chuckled and felt tears in her eyes when she heard her mother laugh. It was an amazing laugh, one that seemed to fill her up and send goosebumps across her skin.

"I love you, Mom." She said softly, only a small grin on her face.

"I love you too, Zo."

XxXxX

Derek stood in the doorway of Zola's room, looking at her sleeping form and waiting to see if she said anything more. Everyone else had left already, wishing him goodnight and driving away in their cars. Cristina and Owen had stayed though, going upstairs to get ready for bed as they planned on spending the week at the Shepherd residence.

Finally, after what felt like hours but was only a few minutes, his daughter spoke again.

"Oh...god... Mom!" She cried slowly, her words spaced out and distant. He sucked in a breath, walking further into her room and closing the door behind him. He slowly approached her bed, knowing his daughter was a heavy sleeper, and climbing into it next to her, pulling her close to his body and listening for anything she would say.

A minute later, she spoke again.

"How...did this... happen?" He imagined the conversation between Zola and Meredith, and felt like he could almost see her standing in the doorway.

Minutes later, he had almost fallen asleep when her voice filled his ears.

"I wish... I could see... you every night. I wish... you were here...with me... in real life... I mean." She said. Derek's heart dropped and he silently agreed with her, a frown appearing on his face. _I do too, honey._

He listened to her one-sided conversation for what seemed like hours, imagining that he heard Meredith's voice and everything that she was saying and wishing that he could see her again.

Eventually, he looked at the clock and saw that it was time for her to wake up for school. He was disappointed that he hadn't actually gotten any sleep but even more disappointed that he had to wake Zola up.

An idea occurred to him and he slowly and gently removed himself from the bed, making his way into the kitchen where Cristina and Owen were making coffee.

"Derek, you look like you've been up all night! Drink some coffee, for God's sake." Cristina said, handing him a cup.

"Probably because I was." Derek muttered, sipping the hot coffee slowly. Cristina looked at him sympathetically.

"You couldn't wake her up, could you?" She asked. He shook his head, taking another sip of his coffee.

"I just... If it were me, if I saw her again and I didn't know if it would be the last time or not... I wouldn't want anyone to take me away from her." He said. Cristina sighed.

"Well, what are you gonna do?" She asked. He sipped his coffee one last time and then set it down on the counter, walking over to the phone.

"I'm calling the school. She's sick, new school, new kids, lots of germs. I would know, I'm a doctor. Oh, crap, I'm a doctor, I've got to call the hospital too." He sighed. Cristina looked at him incredulously.

"Derek, it's the second day of school!" She cried. He froze mid-dial and sighed. He thought about it for a moment and finally began dialing again. Cristina and Owen looked at each other meaningfully and Owen pulled out his phone as well. Derek summoned his best sick voice.

"Hello, this is Derek Shepherd, I'm calling to let you know that my daughter, Zola Shepherd, will not be coming into school today. We're both out sick but should hopefully be back by tomorrow." He said. "Uh huh... thank you." He hung up the phone.

"That wasn't too hard." He said, back to his normal voice. Owen dialed a number on his phone and held it up to his ear, mouthing a word to Cristina just before the line picked up.

"Hello?" He said in a stuffy voice. "Hi, this is Dr. Hunt. I'm calling to let you know that Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Yang and I are all our sick today. How? Well, we all spent the night together last night and must have spread it to each other. Yes. Thank you, have a nice day." He said, hanging up the phone.

Derek looked at him, silently thanking the trauma surgeon before gulping down the rest of his coffee and returning to Zola's room. He resumed his position on her bed and waited for her to speak again, imagining what they could be talking about.

After a while, she began to sound like she was saying goodbye to her mother. He held his breath as she said her last drawn out 'I love you' and slowly opening her eyes. He saw tears on her face and sat up on the bed, stroking her hair comfortingly with his hand.

"I saw her again, Daddy. I saw her again!" She said. He smiled sadly at her.

"I know, baby. I know."


End file.
